Game of Thrones Character Power Rankings: Before the Battle of Winterfell

We waited 595 days from the end of the Season 7 finale and the Season 8 premiere. Since then, D.B. Weiss and David Benioff have given us two episodes of reunions, reveals, and resolutions for several of our favorite ‘Game of Thrones’ characters. We may be saying goodbye to many of them in the Battle of Winterfell, so I thought it best to bring back the Power Rankings before we do.

In past years, this list has consisted of up to 75+ characters. Thanks to Cersei Lannister and an enormous collection of wildfire under King’s Landing, that’s no longer the case. For those new to GoT Power Rankings, characters are ranked by their prowess and value on the show, as opposed to likability…which you’ll find with our Top 2.

1. The Night King

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Nearly every character you love on ‘Game of Thrones’ is teaming up in order to save humanity from The Night King. His army of the dead is 100,000 deep and sitting outside of Winterfell. He has a resurrected ice dragon that destroyed the Wall at East Watch, and has seemingly “recruited” everyone between there and Winterfell.

The new Stark/Targaryen/Semi-Lannister alliance seems to have their plan ready, but as we know with Thrones…nothing goes the way it’s planned (for the good guys, at least). There’s a running theory that the Night King could be using Winterfell as a decoy, as he and Viserion go to wreck King’s Landing. While we haven’t seen him, I have a hard time thinking he won’t use this opportunity to finally get Bran. Besides, he has a Crypt full of women and children to raise the dead around…

2. Cersei Lannister

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Who’s the farthest away from the White Walker threat? Cersei.

Who sits on the Iron Throne, which Daenerys has fought her way back to Westeros for? Cersei.

Who now has an additional army of 20,000 sellswords, shipped from Euron Greyjoy’s fleet? Cersei…but she’s pretty pissed about not getting her elephants, so watch out.

3. Daenerys Targaryen

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For the time being, the North begrudgingly bows to Daenerys. Even without them, she has “the greatest army the North has ever seen” consisting of Dothraki, Unsullied, TWO DRAGONS, and followers she’s picked up along the way. The dragons alone could take out most of the Wight army, but we know now that they aren’t invincible.

However, we’re starting to see Khaleesi’s poise unravel. She was unnerved by Sansa’s question about how the North will be treated after she takes the Throne. The idea of Jon having claim wasn’t a welcomed one either. While the focus is on beating the dead, does she really want to help the North if they could be a problem after?

4. Jon Snow (Aegon Targaryen)

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Jon has always been a reluctant leader. He didn’t ask to be voted Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, or to be named King in the North, but he has approached both for the greater good of all. It’s no surprise that he revealed his newly-discovered parentage to Daenerys, because he’s never been one to keep secrets. What they both choose to do with that information after the Battle, if they’re both alive, will be interesting.

His “father”, Ned, was an honorable man, but even he kept a secret from the world to protect what was important to him.

5. Bran Stark

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As the Three-Eyed Raven, Bran may be the most powerful character in all of Game of Thrones…Being the Night King’s target certainly makes him the most important one, at least. Will Bran finally showcase the extent of what he can do in the Battle of Winterfell? Will he Warg into a Dragon? Channel the Night King?…Maybe become him? Who knows! Bran’s a Wild Card!

6. Sansa Stark

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Sansa’s arc has been incredible, and that’s been on display in the first two episodes of the final season. She doesn’t hold back in front of Daenerys, and even trumped her in the trial of Jaime Lannister. The Northern Houses all seem to be leaning toward her, after Jon returned with an army of outsiders and gave up his crown. PLUS the Knights of the Vale are at her disposal, which proved to be the biggest x-factor in the Battle of the Bastards.

When all is said and done, Sansa is the best equipped to see over the North. Her question to Daenerys will need an answer though…Will the North remain free with her on the Throne?

7. Drogon

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Two of the biggest keys to defeating The Night King’s army will be Daenerys’ dragons, and Drogon has always been her #1. He’s always been the alpha to his siblings, and it will be interesting to see how he fares against Viserion.

8. Rhaegal

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Much like Drogon, Rhaegal is key to beating the White Walkers. Assuming Jon rides him in the battle, how comfortable will they be in the most important battle of their lives? If there is a living dragon that has to fall, it unfortunately may be him.

9. Qyburn

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Qyburn has gone from mad scientist to HAND OF THE QUEEN. Like Cersei, he appears to be safe in King’s Landing and is already making some dramatic moves. I have a hard time believing that Cersei ordered for her brothers to be killed, considering family is what’s most important to her. Not really “on brand” for the Queen.

Not sending an army to support the North is one thing. But if Bronn kills either Jaime or Tyrion (or Brienne in an attempt for either), that could be what motivates the valonqar prophecy to come true…being that Cersei will be murdered by ‘the little brother.”

10. Arya Stark

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One of the deadliest assassins in the Seven Kingdoms has finally found her humanity again, as Arya has reunited with the other Starks…and Gendry.

It’s unclear if anyone, outside of Sansa, actually knows how dangerous Arya is. You have to think she plans on wearing another character’s face within these final episodes, but not until after the Battle of Winterfell. It’s also unclear if her certain set of skills actually apply to fighting an undead army, but she’ll have the likes of The Hound, Brienne, and a lot of other badasses to back her.

11. Tyrion Lannister

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Tyrion has taken A LOT of L’s over the past several episodes, with the biggest being that he trusted Cersei would actually send an army to fight the undead. However, he still garners as much respect as anyone at Winterfell. Both Sansa and Ser Jorah vouch for Daenerys’ Hand, convincing her to keep him on. And so he’s directed to the SAFEST PLACE IN WINTERFELL, The Crypts (sarcasm).

Daenerys herself values Tyrion’s mind for when she finally rules, and it may have become more valuable after a long conversation with Bran.

12. Ser Brienne of Tarth

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Brienne will lead the left flank in the Battle of Winterfell, which is a huge honor (but may seal her fate). We also have seen how highly regarded she is held among many around her. In Jaime’s trial, Brienne stood up to Daenerys and vouched for the man who killed her father. Sansa would have agreed with Dany, as her parents were also killed by the Lannisters, but trusts Brienne with her life. Then Jaime knighted Brienne, on the eve of the most important battle their world has ever seen.

13. Viserion

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HE TOOK DOWN THE WALL…REALLY EASILY.

If the misdirection theory we discussed earlier comes true, Viserion could totally light up Euron’s fleets and lay waste to King’s Landing. Cool plot twist, but will he? I’m looking more forward to the dogfights in the sky between him and his dragon siblings.

14. Davos Seaworth

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If there’s one character I’m rooting for most to survive the Battle of Winterfell, it’s Davos. Tyrion gave his credentials, having survived both Blackwater and Battle of the Bastards. While he didn’t win the the former of the two, he stood by his leader to the end afterwards and has served as Jon’s most trusted advisor after.

After seeing a girl in Winterfell that reminded him of Shireen Baratheon, many felt his story had been resolved. If Jon survives this battle, I hope that’s not the case.

15. Euron Greyjoy

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Though he had his own medicine served to him, by Theon saving Yara, the whacked-out pirate, Euron, apparently has a lot of favor with Cersei. Even with the most powerful fleet in Westeros, Euron’s cockiness and ambition may get the best of him though with the evolving “Mad Queen”.

16. Grey Worm

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This may have been the Kiss of Death for the General of the Unsullied, but a moment Grey Worm and Missandei needed. With their arrival to Winterfell, we were reminded of how unwelcoming the North really is (similar to how they treated the Free Folk). After talking about seeing the beaches again with Missandei, Grey Worm will likely be going down in a blaze of glory against the Wight army.

17. Jorah Mormont

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By wielding the sword of Samwell Tarley’s family, Ser Jorah regains the honor that he lost many years ago. Having Heartsbane also gives him a chance to defeat White Walkers in the upcoming battle. Unfortunately it feels like The Andal’s arc has reached its end, as he revealed to Dany how heartbroken he was to not be her Hand but also supported Tyrion.

18. Ghost

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After missing him in all of Season 7, GHOST IS BACK! NOW PROTECT THIS DIREWOLF AT ALL COSTS!

19. Samwell Tarly

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It’s been an emotional roller coaster for Samwell, through 2 episodes. He found out his brother and father were executed by his new queen, had to break the news to his best friend that he was sleeping with aunt and has the claim to the throne, then had to decide whether to fight the undead army or stay with his family IN THE SAFEST PLACE IN WINTERFELL (it’s not).

If someone is going to tell this story after though, many feel it’s going to be Samwell Tarly.

20. Yohn Royce

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His Knights of the Vale were the winning ingredient to the Battle of the Bastards, proving to be the North’s best weapon outside of Daenerys’. What kind of impact will they have, equipped with dragon glass weapons.

21. Beric Dondarrion

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Beric has been brought back to life several times with the purpose to fight this battle. He will likely be using his last life, but we wonder how the “Lord of Light” will work its magic through him one last time.

22. Tormund Giantsbane

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After giving us the most ridiculous origin story ever, most as a last shot at Brienne, the Battle of Winterfell may be Tormund’s last. This will be the 3rd time he’s fought the dead though, which could be the charm (he types with wishful thinking).

23. Jaime Lannister

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A lot of signs point to this being the end for Jaime. His evolution from the person who pushed Bran (Episode 1) out of a tower to apologizing for it (S8 E2) may be the most fascinating arc in the entire series. Being one-handed and having to fight an undead army doesn’t seem like the formula for success, but there’s a prophecy that still needs to be fulfilled…Killing Cersei.

We also don’t know what Bronn is going to do when he gets to Winterfell. Will he be the one that kills Jaime, or motivates him to seek revenge after?

24. Lyanna Mormont

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After dunking hard on Jon Snow for abandoning his role as ‘King in the North’, Lyanna goes to battle with his soldiers alongside her cousin Jorah. The odds aren’t particularly in her favor, but it’s powerful to see her do so.

25. Gendry

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Dude just provided the entire ARMY OF THE LIVING with weapons. And noway Arya wants to let him die, not now at least.

And now for the best of the rest…

26. The Hound

27. Varys

28. Missandei

29. Bronn

30. The Mountain

31. Harry Strickland

32. Theon Greyjoy

33. Edd Tollett

34. Gilly

35. Tycho Nestoris

36. Yara Greyjoy

37. Podrick Payne

38. Jaqen H’ghar

39. Melisandre

40. Kinvara

41. Daario Naharis

42. Meera Reed

43. Salladhor Saan

44. Melessa Tarly

45. Talla Tarley

46. Hot Pie

47. Baby Sam

48. Nymeria

49. Robin Arryn

50. Aeron Greyjoy

51. Edmure Tully

52. Ellaria Sand

53. Septa Unella

54. Tyene Sand

This list will be dramatically shorter after Episode 3 of Season 8. Let’s discuss on Twitter after!

 

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December in Chicago: Things To Do To Make Winter Suck Less

Consider this a cognitive therapy session to help you feel better about the season that several of your friends and family have moved away from. If you still live here after the past two winters, congratulations…you’re a midwesterner. You grew up with 4 seasons, strapped on your snow pants, found creative ways to de-ice your windshield because you forgot your scraper, and you haven’t been stomped by AT-ATs on State Street…yet.

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I personally like snow and I know I’m not alone. I also don’t mind a trip somewhere warm in order to endure it with a tan, but I take pride in where I’m from and love that I can appreciate the other 3 seasons because of Winters here. You also get an awesome and natural excuse to stay in and binge watch Netflix shows with a glass of some-something.

So before posting your super cliche “ugh, Chicago Winter. Get me out of here” Facebook status, turn up 93.9 on your radio for 24/7 holiday tunes and consider some proactive options that you can’t get most places.

Lincoln Park Zoo Lights

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Lions, Tigers, and beers…oh my!

You read that right. Along with a whole calendar of events, you can peruse the zoo with beers (and maybe Bears) or other adult beverages as the whole place gets lit up like you’ve never seen before. It’s free to enter, as always, and there’s a number of activities to partake in including rides, crafts, and seeing Santa. There are a few dates to mark on the calendar as well.

12/2 BrewLights

12/10 Adults Night Out

12/14, 12/21, 12/28 Family Nights

1/3 Last Day

 

Comedy Shows

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Want to know a great way to stay warm in Chicago? Laughing. Where better to do that than in a tiny cramped venue, brushing shoulders with the table next to you, sipping on a rum and something, and then forgetting it all with belly laugh after belly laugh.

Dave Chappelle is in the middle of a 6 day residency at Thalia Hall, Dec. 1 – 6, but good luck getting tickets for that. All 12 shows were sold out, but MAYBE a ticket or 2 will show up on StubHub. Meanwhile, you and your rowdy friends can check out any of the following clubs for standup shows:

Chicago Improv (in Schaumburg)

Laugh Factory (on Broadway)

Zanies (Chicago, St. Charles and Rosemont)

Beat Kitchen (on Belmont)

Or you can get literally spontaneous comedy at any of the improv institutions that helped put Chicago on the map in show business like Second City, iO or Comedy Sportz.

Last, but not least, John Oliver is performing at the Chicago Theater December 30th and 31st. Maybe don’t miss that.

Christkindlmarket

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I’m sure you’ve heard of it but in case you’ve never been, head over to Daley Plaza at Clark and Washington to see for yourself. The tradition began in Nuremberg, Germany in 1545 and was brought to Chicago in 1996. It’s considered the largest open-air Christmas festival in the city, but my favorite part is the mug of hot wine that I can mosey about with.

It’s open till Dec. 24th, so get over as soon as you can.

 

Marshall Fields

(Nobody wants to call it Macy’s this time of year)

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This is Christmas nostalgia at it’s finest for most of us who grew up around Chicago. Winter break from school, Mom and Dad have some last minute shopping and your family from New York is in town…where do you head to? State Street, that great street, to see the windows at Marshall Fields.

Every year there’s a different story being told around the building, and people of all ages can’t wait to see what’s next. Inside, on the 7th floor is another sight to behold. The Walnut Room has been a Chicago tradition since 1907.

Walnut Room

 

Star Wars (Chicago Style)

If the pre-sale numbers and the marketing haven’t already told you, people are excited for Star Wars. So how can you best celebrate the release of Episode 7?

The Whistler in Logan Square will be transforming their bar into the Mos Eisley Cantina on December 16th. There will be local musicians on hand as the house band from A New Hope and the cocktail menu will be overhauled with galactic themed beverages.

Mos Eisley

Then there’s Adler After Dark the next evening, December 17th, as the Adler Planetarium will be hosting a Force Awakens party unlike any.

  • Star Wars Trivia
  • A screening of Space Balls 
  • Star Wars-inspired beer from Empirical Brewing
  • Lightsaber Combat Workshop!
  • human-robot interactives from the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago

The Force is strong, yes?

 

Sauced Night Market

Sauced Night Emporium

It’s a roving night market, self-described as being “dedicated to emerging culinarians, artists and that guy from high school who’s a DJ now – an evening of food, art and debauchery set to the tune of “Hypnotize”. Intrigued? Sure you are.

December 15th, SAUCED will be at Emporium Arcade Bar in Logan Square for your not-yet-last-minute holiday shopping, great food from Chicago vendors, and craft beer. It sounds way too interesting to pass up.

 

One Of A Kind Show

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Love art or just any alternative to retail? This is for you. From December 3rd – 6th, 600 artists from across North America will be at the Merchandise Mart on Orleans with every kind of handmade creation you can think of.

Accessories, ceramics, sculptures, furniture, photography, paintings, glass, jewelry, fashion, etc. And here’s the show schedule:

Thursday, December 3    11am-8pm
Friday, December 4         11am-8pm
Saturday, December 5     10am-7pm
Sunday, December 6       10am-5pm

All the One Of A Kind Show info is here.

 

Topgolf

Nighttime Tee Line Golfer

(Naperville & Wood Dale)

 

I find it funny that there are still people around Chicago who haven’t caught on to Topgolf. It’s the grownup version of Chuck E. Cheese, Enchanted Castle, Leaps & Bounds, or whatever kids amusement place you used to frequent when you were younger.

It’s golf meets bowling, where each individual ball you hit has a chip inside and you aim for targets to score points against your friends. Full bar, great food, multiple monitors to watch sports, parties every night…and you it’s open year round with plenty of heat.

I actually went with my dad on the coldest of year and it was an absolute blast. Here’s proof.

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If you have anymore recommendations to make December better, please pass them along on Facebook or Twitter

NFL Week 11 Fantasy Mailbag

When you hear the phrase “down the stretch”, this is officially it. We’re all just a few weeks away from the Fantasy playoffs and every win really counts. Your lineup probably looks very different than it did to start the season, much like those of actual NFL rosters by Week 11. For instance, Peyton Manning…

It seems like yesterday when Peyton’s receivers were playing keep away with his record setting touchdown pass.

Peyton keepaway

Fast forward to last Sunday when Peyton threw more interceptions (4) than the number of yards he needed to break the all-time passing yards record (3). Next thing you know, he’s on the bench for Brock Osweiler, and Gary Kubiak says it only has to do with a plantar fascia issue and not based on merit. Politics and bad Broncos storylines aside, I’m glad I traded Peyton after Week 1 and picked up Cam Newton and Jay Cutler off waivers.

Cam Dance

 

Quick Hits

 

  • As one aforementioned AFC West quarterback seems to be riding off into the distance, a new one seems to have arrived in a big way. Derek Carr is coming off a streak of 3 straight 300+ yard performances and 10 touchdowns over that stretch. Not only is Carr a surefire Top 10 QB now, his Top 2 WRs become easy starts every week as well because of his maturation. Carr, Amari Cooper and Michael Crabtree get a plum matchup at Detroit against a defense that has given up big numbers against solid receiver duos like Keenan Allen/Stevie Johnson (21-248-1), Demaryius Thomas/Emmanuel Sanders (15-179-1), and Larry Fitzgerald/John Brown (9-131-2).

Carr to Crabtree

  • Helping Kirk Cousins achieve his perfect 158.3 passer rating last week against the Saints was his tight end, Jordan Reed. Reed’s health has always been a hinderance for his production, but he’s currently as hot as anyone in the end zone. Over his last 3 games, Reed has scored 5 touchdowns. He’s also the 2nd highest targeted tight end in the end zone and is getting plenty more opportunities than any of the other Washington WRs. Reed takes on a Panthers defense this weekend that has allowed 3 touchdowns in their last 3 games.

 

  • I’ve learned my lesson on Lamar Miller. No matter how juicy the matchup looks for other running backs on my team, I can’t leave Miller on my bench. Even if he’s being limited in the run game (only 103 yards rushing in his last 3 games), he’s racking up the points receiving with 7 touchdowns through the air over his last 5 games.

 

Mail Time!

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Danny Amendola should not be left available in any league at this point. Before his injury, Julian Edelman was getting 10 targets per game from Tom Brady. Amendola had 11 just on Sunday. He’s filling in the Edelman role and has returner duties as well for more potential points.

Between Danny Woodhead or John Brown to drop, I would feel better letting go of Brown for the time being. You’ve had at least 3 weeks of no production in a row out of the guy. Jaron Brown was confusing viewers the other night getting more looks than John actually. I’m sure he’ll get back on track with Michael Floyd dealing with a hamstring injury, but Woodhead is much more valuable to the Chargers’ depleted offense than Brown is to the Cardinals.

 

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I know the bad version of Andy Dalton showed up again Monday night, but the guy was and probably still is an MVP candidate this season. With that said, Russell Wilson’s matchup against the 49ers at home is too good to ignore. The Niners are allowing 327 pass yards per game on the road. If Wilson doesn’t show up for you this week, you can drop his ass. Quote me on that one.

 

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Flex: At this point, I can’t sit either Cooper or Crabtree with the way Carr is throwing. And he’s going to light up the Lions secondary this weekend too. While the running back hipster in me wants you go with Danny Woodhead, the upside for Michael Crabtree is too great this weekend to pass up. I also wouldn’t be surprised if the Chargers start running Melvin Gordon more to see what they have while they are out of the playoff race.

WR: Simply because Kamar Aiken is Joe Flacco’s only pass option, I like his chances for production over Donte Moncrief. TY Hilton will be closer to 100% this weekend and will garner more attention from Matt Hasselbeck. Moncrief also falls behind the tight ends for targets as they are Rob Chudzinski’s bread and butter for play calling.

 

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At least you’re in first place with a few weeks left in the regular season. If there are guys on your roster who are out for the season, you should already be working the waiver wire for the best available pickups. Let me know on Facebook or Twitter who’s in Free Agency for your league and we’ll patch up your lineup.

 

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The Broncos wide receivers probably got an upgrade with Manning going down. I anticipate Emmanuel Sanders’s possession game will be more helpful to Osweiler, especially this week against the Bears. Quietly, Kyle Fuller has played like one of the best cornerbacks in football recently and he’ll likely draw Demaryius Thomas. Go with old reliable Sanders over Jeremy Maclin, who hasn’t done much since Week 5.

 

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Flex: For the same reason I listed earlier, go with Aiken. While the Broncos will run more this weekend, the Bears are stout against the run. They’ve only allowed 3 touchdowns to running backs all season as well.

TE: If one person is doing well for the Packers during their current 3 game slide, it’s Richard Rodgers. He has 3 touchdowns in his last 2 games, 14 targets, 10 catches, and likely all of Aaron Rodgers’s attention in the red zone against a Vikings D that keeps WRs and RBs in check regularly.

 

Screen Shot 2015-11-19 at 10.54.50 AMDude…Marshawn. And if Thomas Rawls is available, go handcuff him in case something absurd happens. But seriously…Marshawn.

Marshawn racoon

Have more lineup questions? Feel free to ask on both Facebook and Twitter! Also, don’t hesitate to post any questions for next week’s Mailbag. Good luck this weekend! 

Upcoming Sequels & Reboots: What To Say YES or NOPE To

One of the biggest cliches regarding Hollywood and film is that “original material is dead”. To the people who feel that way, I would recommend going to their nearest theater and checking out Room and Bridge of Spies. We do seem to receive news on a daily basis of an upcoming reboot or sequel to a classic that’s either been long overdue or way too late.

Some of these projects are exciting and give us something to look forward to. Others just make you shake your head and ask…”Why?”

A remake to a film or franchise can be refreshing. Most of us are Shawshanked (naturally forced to sit and watch the rest of the way through, no matter the time) whenever Ocean’s Eleven comes on TV, the George Clooney version and not the 1960 Frank Sinatra one. Did you see the Footloose remake though? Neither did I.

There are a number of reboots and sequels coming to theaters in the next year or so. Many of the original titles are decades old. I’ll here to separate what’s worth the hype and what’s not.

 

Yes!

Yes

(Movies To Look Forward To)

Zoolander 2 (2016)

Although the original was released 15 years before this sequel hits theaters, it still works because the two stars NEVER AGE. Seriously, whatever moisturizer these guys are using makes 15 years look like 5.

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…and they’re killing off Bieber, so at least the movie has that going for it. Just avoid anything the Anchorman did. Seriously.

 

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

Aside from jerks who lack imagination, everyone is looking forward to this film and rightfully so. The build up and marketing for Episode VII has been remarkably. While it’s been over 30 years since Han Solo was unfrozen from carbonite on the screen, chills ran down my spine hearing him say “…we’re home”, alongside a Chewbacca roar.

Returning to a set that isn’t so dependent on CGI and green screen like Episodes I-III has audiences excited. It’s also fun for both new and old generations of fans to see new characters on new adventures with old ones.

 

Spider-Man (2017)

Spider-Man

I, like many, was left with a really bad taste in my mouth after Spider-Man 3. It bothered me so much that I didn’t even see the Andrew Garfield version until I happened upon it on FX like a month ago…and I still didn’t feel like I missed out.

Now that Spider-Man is home in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, my spidey senses are tingling again (yeah, I said it). We’ll get our first look at the reboot edition in the highly anticipated Captain America: Civil Waras he chooses a side between Steve Rogers and Tony Stark. This means we won’t have to go through ANOTHER origin radioactive spider bite story when Peter Parker gets his solo film in 2017. We also know he’ll be in high school played by an actor who is actually in the appropriate age-range, Tom Holland. Tobey Maguire and Garfield were both in their very late twenties when they played high school Peter Parker.

It will be fun to see how the new Spider-Man fits into the Marvel/Avengers story going forward and who he will face off with. Hopefully NOT the Green Goblin for a 3rd time.

 

Ghostbusters (2016)

Ghostbusters 2016

I really don’t get why the idea of this film is so controversial. It’s an expansion of the Ghostbusters universe and features a female dominant cast with Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy and current SNL cast members Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones. Bridesmaids director/Freaks and Geeks writer Paul Feig is teaming up with Parks and Recreation for what’s meant to be a series of new Ghostbusters films that Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd and Ernie Hudson have not only signed off on, but plan to appear in as well.

Also, Chris Hemsworth is their receptionist, so…there’s that.

 

NOPE!

Nope

(Movies Nobody Asked For)

 

Momento 

Momento

AMBI Pictures, run by Andrea Iervolino and Monika Bacardi, announced this week that they will be financing a remake of Christopher Nolan’s breakout film, Momento. In the statement breaking the news, Bacardi said:

Memento is a masterpiece that leaves audiences guessing not just throughout the film, but long after as well, which is a testament to its daring approach.”

Then leave the damn thing alone! Better yet, just rerelease it theaters because it only made $25 million initially and was regarded as a modern classic right after. You can’t tell me though that anyone was asking for a new take or reimagining of this story.

 

Point Break (2015)

 

I’m convinced there is an evil group of film backers who want to remake Patrick Swayze’s whole filmography and in the worst ways possible. This is Exhibit A.

I understand there are different “extreme sports” being portrayed (snowboarding instead of surfing), but you could simply call the movie something else and change the character names to make it more appealing…Ya know, like The Fast and the Furious or something like that.

Here’s the original 1991 trailer.

“Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true…”, like a remake to this movie with worse actors.

 

Road House 

Road House

This is Exhibit B in the case for a Swayze movie conspiracy…

All we know about this movie is that Ronda Rousey has been casted to play Swayze’s character. A columnist for GQ, Jack Moore (who LOVES this idea), says this should work because “Ronda Rousey could end up being the new Patrick Swayze!”

Okay, I’m back from throwing up.

I’m not an MMA fan so I don’t share the adoration for Rousey as many people do. I also didn’t see The Entourage movie and don’t feel like I’m missing out. I have seen the other films she’s appeared in and don’t really want to again. I know that she’s the one thing that UFC has to promote itself and that she wants to join WWE. And like I said regarding the new Point Break, you can make the “Rousey as a bouncer” movie and not call it ‘Road House’. Rousey herself doesn’t sound all that confident about doing the film after telling reporters, “The worst thing that’s going to happen is, is that I’ll really suck and just disgrace the name of Swayze and ‘Road House,’ and everyone will hate me.”

+1 for self awareness.

 

Top Gun 2

Top Gun

I need this photo to have Maverick giving a thumbs down.

The original is almost 30 years old. Yeah, Tom Cruise is in fantastic shape and still kicking ass in the Mission Impossible franchise and Jack Reacher, but you’re not going to bring either Goose or Tony Scott back to get me excited for this sequel. There’s also a lot of confusion as to whether Cruise will even accept the offer to play Maverick again…Val Kilmer’s already editing his Facebook statuses about it, so it will probably go straight to DVD or VOD.

 

Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)

 

MSDINDA FE002

Will Smith isn’t signed up for this film so neither am I. Seriously, you could air it on SyFy after the next Sharknado and it will get as much hype as it would going to theaters.

(Sidenote: Not included is the long rumored Space Jam 2. Personally, I don’t mind if kids today get to see one featuring LeBron James because many of them weren’t even born while Michael Jordan was playing basketball. Just let that sink in…)

 

Any other reboots and sequels that interest you or make you sick? Let me know on Facebook or Twitter

Michael’s Mixtape: The Second

This is my way of answering the very popular question, “What are you listening to these days?”

Each week, I’m going to try posting a list of new and old music that I am into, and I’d love for you to share what you’re listening to with me on Twitter @Mike_PiFF03. 

1. “Wake Up Everybody” – The Roots & John Legend

2. “Blue Sky” – Common

3. “Wherever Is Your Heart” – Brandi Carlile

4. “Fool For Love” – Lord Huron

5. “My Wrecking Ball” – Ryan Adams

6. “Everyday” – A$AP Rocky feat. Rod Stewart and Miguel

7. “Sober” – Childish Gambino

8. “Mene” – Brand New

9. “Artist in the Ambulance” – Thrice

10. “Narrow Mouth” – The Early November

11. “Virtual Insanity” – Jamiroquai

12. “The Door” – D’Angelo

13. “Got Till It’s Gone” – Janet & Q-Tip

14. “Two Hands Up” – O.A.R

15. “Just Another Girl” – The Killers

16. “Keep Your Head Up” – Ben Howard

17. “Home Again” – Michael Kiwanuka

18. “24 Frames” – Jason Isbell

19. “The Boxer” – Mumford and Sons

20. “Things Happen” – Dawes

21. “The John Wayne” – Little Green Cars

22. “Everything Works Out in the End” – Kodaline

Want more? Check out The First. Each “Mixtape” is available on Spotify too. And of course I’d love more recommendations, so Tweet them to @Mike_PiFF03.

Movie Madness: Round of 64 Part II

Day 1 Voting Continued…

 

[Update] Voting has closed. Winners below.

(3) Monty Python and the Holy Grail

vs.

(14) Office Space

(8) Mission Impossible

vs.

(9) Kill Bill

(7) Toy Story

vs.

(10) The Lego Movie

(2) Citizen Kane

vs.

(15) Rocky

(4) Ghostbusters

vs.

(13) This Is Spinal Tap

(5) Tombstone

vs.

(12) Snatch

(6) Field of Dreams

vs.

(11) Ocean’s Eleven

(1) The Godfather

vs.

(16) The Departed

Voting will remain open until 11 PM CT. Share with your friends to vote for your favorites. You can also Tweet your votes to @Mike_PiFF03 with #MovieMadness. Vote for Part I matchups by clicking HERE!

NFL Week 10 Fantasy Mailbag

Ben Roethlisberger…

Ben Face

I owe you an apology.

Last week I was asked if I would pick up Big Ben or Alex Smith to start with Tony Romo being out. I went with Alex Smith and felt pretty good about it.

In 10 games against Baltimore, Roethlisberger has only thrown more than one touchdown twice. The Ravens have also allowed the fewest passing touchdowns this season, less than 1 per game…”

And with Alex Smith pulling plays like this off…

I felt even better about the advice I gave.

For the second week in a row, Roethlisberger threw 6 touchdown passes and added 340 yards with it. He also has a fantastic matchup this week against the Jets pass defense. So for anyone who took my advice and lost with without Big Ben’s 6 TDs…

Moving on now.

Quick Hits

  • Outside of some criticism of meteorologists, everything seems to being going right for Patriots. Since throwing two interceptions in a blow out loss to Kansas City, Tom Brady has thrown 18 touchdowns and just one interception. But even Brady can’t believe how well his tight end is playing…
  • The Packers may be rolling and the Bears might be desperate for a win, but none of that is stopping Matt Forte. Forte is second in the league in catches, third in touches, and gained 171 total yards against the Packers in Week 4. The Packers have given up 5.2 yards per carry to Matt Asiata, Lamar Miller, Jonathan Stewart and Mark Ingram. Even if the Packers jump out ahead early, Forte will get the targets like he has all season…Also, tomorrow is the 15 year anniversary of Bryan Robinson’s game winning field goal block at Lambeau…Any given Sunday, Bears fans. Any given Sunday.
  • Have you picked up Kyle Orton yet? I have…to back up Tony Romo (like old times). Since the Bills signed him to take over for E.J. Manuel, Orton is averaging 282 yards per game and has thrown multiple TDs in 3 of his 4 games…including 4 against the Jets before last week’s bye week. Tougher matchup against Kansas City this week, but still good spot start if you need him.

Kyle Orton GIF

 

 

Brian Chimino on Facebook: “Tempted to play Derek Carr over Colin Kaepernick.”

I don’t blame you. Derek Carr has only had one really bad game in his last 4 starts and is coming off a solid 194 yard 2 touchdown performance on the road against the Seahawks defense. The Broncos are also allowing 270 yards and 2 touchdowns passing per game, albeit with a lot of garbage time but still start worthy…I don’t trust Colin Kaepernick. I don’t trust the Saints defense much more but they did hold Cam Newton to just 151 yards passing and 40 yards rushing last week. The upside is higher with Kaepernick but he’s only thrown more than one touchdown twice all season…Go with your gut and start Carr.

 

Ryan Suarez on Facebook: “Stafford or Tannehill?”

Same game decision here and one I like this week. Both are going against tough defenses but one of them is getting Calvin Johnson back. Before Megatron went inactive, Matt Stafford averaged 281 yards per game. He suffered a lull but found his groove again with 299 and 325 yards back to back with 2 TDs in each game before the bye week…While Ryan Tannehill is coming off his best game of the season, he still has to face the stingiest defense against quarterbacks in terms of fantasy football. Go with Stafford with the Megatron bump. At the very least, Johnson will draw double coverage to open things up for Golden Tate again.

 

Craig Bucy on Facebook: “Chris Ivory, Roddy White or Percy Harvin? Pick 2…And thoughts on Charles Sims.”

After just two weeks in the Jets system, Percy Harvin has established himself as the focal point in their passing game. He was targeted 13 times (second most in the NFL week 9) for 11 receptions last week (most in the league). With the Steelers offense rolling right now, have to think the Jets will be busy playing catchup which benefits Harvin, but not Chris Ivory. I would also go with Roddy White against one of the worst pass defenses in the league, Tampa Bay.

Charles Sims looks like he’ll be making his pro debut this week, but I wouldn’t expect that big of a work load for him yet. Bobby Rainey is the feature back in Tampa, but the bigger concern to me is Josh McCown getting the start. That thing didn’t work the first time this season, and I’m puzzled as to why Lovie Smith wants to go back to it again. Turnovers and a lack of possession time with McCown under center doesn’t help Sims’s cause early on.

 

DB Moenning on Facebook: “Pick 2: AJ Green, Mohamed Sanu, and Golden Tate.”

If you have a healthy AJ Green, you start him. I would actually say yes to starting Mohamed Sanu this week against a bad Browns pass defense, but Golden Tate has been too good to keep out of the lineup. Yes, Calvin is going to take targets away from Tate but he is averaging 10 yards per target and is second among receivers after the catch. As I mentioned before, Megatron back in the lineup helps Tate more than hurts him.

 

Sam Latham on Facebook: “Travis Kelce or Jason Witten?”

There is really one big IF involved with this. If Tony Romo plays this weekend, play Jason Witten. Even injured, Witten becomes the possession for Romo in shorter routes and the Jaguars have allowed the 7th most yards to tight ends this season..If Romo is out, play Travis Kelce. Kelce is more of a red zone target in the Chiefs system, but he has a touchdown in 4 of his last 6 games.

 

Brennan Casey on Facebook: “Alshon Jeffery, Kelvin Benjamin, Sammy Watkins, and Mohamed Sanu? Pick 2”

I like Sammy Watkins and Alshon Jeffery in this group and I’ll tell you why…Kyle Orton has put Watkins over the top fantasy-wise since joining the Bills. He’s the clear #1 receiver and is the only WR getting thrown to from 5 yards in. Keep an eye on the groin injury though and go with Kelvin Benjamin in case Watkins doesn’t start…Jeffery seems to have been quiet for a lot of the season, but realistically has scored or gained over 100 yards in 5 of his last 6 games. The Packers secondary is beat up with Sam Shields and Morgan Burnett dealing with injuries. There also seems to be a “now or never” feeling with the Bears offense this weekend. Going against a Packers defense that has allowed the most red zone touches to wide receivers bodes well.

 

And last but not least, it’s #NationalNachoDay. So go crazy kids.

 

Feel free to ask more questions on Twitter