Today we go to a film that oozes with testosterone, muscles…and some fine mustache game.
There are stories about about Carl Weathers and Jesse Ventura sizing each other up on the set of Predator along with Arnold Schwarzenegger, trying to see whose biceps were bigger.
(Who would’ve thunk two governors would be elected from this movie?)
While neither made it out of the film alive, it’s finally time to settle the score between Apollo Creed and “The Body”!
“Year One” of the Rex Ryan era has driven Buffalo Bills fans to drinking.
That’s not a joke. With data from smartphone breathalyzer app BACtrack, cross-referenced with Twitter’s fan allegiance map, Bills fans are leading the league in average Blood Alcohol Content.
BAC levels among NFL fans were gathered and examined from games starting in the pre-season through October 26th. Atop the list on game day were Bills fans with an average 0.076 BAC. Tied for 2nd behind Buffalo are Detroit Lions fans (0.069) and Philadelphia Eagles fans…with batteries in their pockets, waiting to be thrown.
Drinking the least on game day are Cincinnati Bengals fans (0.015) and Tennessee Titans fans (0.021). However, left off the list are Raiders, Jaguars, Jets, Rams and Buccaneers fans due to insufficient data. Curious Bears fans can see they are ranked 11th with a BAC of 0.054.
The study was conducted to find out if an NFL team’s record was had an impact on their fan base’s drinking habits. That correlation was unfound with the 1 win Titans being the “case in point.” Drinking levels were proven to increase with 2/3 the NFL audience as BAC averages rise from the pre-season to the regular season.
It should be noted that BACtrack Consumption Reports are released in order to provide insight to the drinking habits around the country so consumers can consider the effects of alcohol…
If you haven’t noticed by now, there’s a theme with each daily Movember matchup. Today we’ll vote on two of the all-time great musical mustaches (and the rock geniuses who wore them
Also a quick reminder: If you are participating in Movember this month, share your pics to the Facebook page or Twitter, and you will get your own matchup!
Our Movember Matchup series continues with a pair of legendary Chicago coaching staches.
One has a Super Bowl ring, and the other wears three Stanley Cup rings. One owns a race horse and the other has a restaurant chain, wine, and even Bloody Mary mix named after him. They both played their respective sports and neither will be paying for a meal in Chicago ever again.
As our clocks fall back an hour, we move forward to one of the best months of the year. The NFL, NHL, NBA and NCAA Football & Basketball are in full swing. Christmas displays are already up in stores. Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching…But it’s also a month that raises awareness for Men’s Health (Prostate Cancer, Testicular Cancer, Mental Health, and Physical fitness included).
How do we promote this cause? With mustaches of course!
Many of your friends will be sporting their upper lip sweaters for the next several weeks to support MOVEMBER. To learn more about it and the fundraising pages you can contribute to, click here.
In MichaelPiff.com fashion (and because I have Bare-Upper-Lip Disorder), we will be featuring a matchup every morning between famous mustaches for YOU to vote on!
If you are participating in Movember (or have a friend who is), submit a photo with the link to your fundraising page on Facebook or Twitter and we’ll have you compete in your own matchup with another mustache enthusiast!
So without further ado…
Ron Swanson
VS.
Sam Elliott
Vote NOW and share with your friends to do the same!
(The “Hard Knocks” Texans seem so long ago don’t they?)
In just two weeks, the Miami Dolphins look like the team their roster suggested they would be before the season even started. Miller had just 37 carries over the first 4 weeks of the season for 131 yards and no touchdowns. He has more than doubled that production in his last 2 games with 288 rush yards and 2 touchdowns on 33 carries (plus 61 yards and another touchdown receiving). The Dolphins also became the first team since at least 1940 to score 4 touchdowns of 50+ yards in the first half against Texans. Not a shabby start to the head coaching career for Dan Campbell.
The Dolphins head to New England tonight for what could be a shootout with Tom Brady and the Patriots. Don’t slow your roll yet on Miller as the Patriots are allowing 110 yards per game rushing. Now proceed to point and laugh at whoever dropped him in your fantasy league.
Quick Hits
The Cardinals running back situation seems pretty clear now with Zombie Chris Johnson ranked second in the league in rushing. Okay he’s more of a “Dawn of the Dead” zombie that runs. Fast…If you took my advice last week, you played Todd Gurley in DFS against the worst run defense in the league. The Browns have allowed more than 1,000 yards rushing on the season (132 more than the Chargers), and Zombie Chris Johnson should eat.
While the Chargers seem to have nearly given up on running the ball, the biggest benefactor of that trend has been Keenan Allen. Allen now leads the league in receptions with 62. Allen owners know that his point production is a little inconsistent, but he gets 12 targets per game. When Philip Rivers locks in on Allen, oh does he lock in…3 times this season, Allen has recorded 130+ yards and averages 13 catches in those games. His matchup against the Ravens smells like one of those games as Baltimore allows 214 yards and 1.6 to wide receivers each week.
While the sexiest tight end name in the game is Gronk, Greg Olsen is no slouch either. Olsen has 65+ yards and/or a touchdown in 5 of his 6 games this season. He’s gone for 130+ yards twice this season, and was targeted by Cam Newton 11 times in both of those games. I expect Newton to bounce back from a 3 interception game and to make Olsen a priority in order to do so. Olsen has already accounted for 21% of the targets each week and only trails Gronk for the most plays of 20+ yards this year.
Mail Time!
WR – I really like Jeremy Maclin this week against the Lions in London. Detroit is allowing 206 yards and 1 touchdown per game to wide receivers and Maclin is the only reliable receiver in Kansas City. In 3 of his last 4 games, Maclin averaged 7.5 catches and 106 yards.
RB – The guy I’m not picking of your group is James Starks. Ronnie Hillman is finally getting a majority of the first team reps in practice and THE DUKE is the back to have out of Cleveland. Johnson Jr. is the pass catching back and you have to expect the Browns to be playing from behind against Arizona…which means they’ll be passing. Starks is also banged up, a backup, and going against the best defense in football.
A very close call. As much as I like Martavis Bryant with Ben Roethlisberger coming back, I like Stefon Diggs more against the Bears secondary. In 3 games played, Diggs has more targets, caches and twice as many yards as Mike Wallace. Go with the clear #1 WR the Vikings has as the Bears will be doing whatever they can to keep Adrian Peterson in check.
I’m going to let this slide this week, but this^ is too many questions. Try to limit it to 2 going forward. Love ya, Emmet.
Trade: Hard to pick a winner without knowing the needs of each team involved, but I am going with whoever received Tannehill in the deal. Tannehill is trending way up with Philbin off his back, and Eddie Lacy is losing more and more touches to Starks. This weekend will be the most telling on what Lacy is this season with Starks hurting. If Starks gets more work than Lacy again, I feel bad for anyone who picked the former Bama back way too high this year.
Flex 1: The Duke for for the reasons I gave Bucy. Tavon is boom or bust regardless of the matchup as Gurley is now the entire offense and Nick Foles sucks.
Flex 2: Not a great week for Jeremy Hill going against the Steelers. Pacing will probably make Gio Bernard the better option for the Bengals, but at least you know Hill will get touches. He also has the most touchdowns from within the 5 yard line. Moncrief has a bad matchup against the Carolina secondary.
(See, I’ve already answered 3 questions for you and there are 2 left. I’ve got shit to do, homie)
QB: Roethlisberger. Ed Werder of ESPN has him going and so should you with ALL of his scoring options available.
Flex 3: Woodhead
You’ve got a solid matchup for Delanie Walker this week against the Texans defense. Whether it’s Mariota or Mettenberger under center, he’s their favorite target regardless. Watson has had a nice couple weeks, but Drew Brees has way more options to keep up with a tough Giants receiving corps.
Larry Donnell isn’t a great option, but at least he’s done something in the last 6 weeks. Jordan Cameron hasn’t recorded more than 30 yards since Week 2. I won’t trust him until I see him do better than that again.
I think you answered your own question, Donald. Tyler Eifert is a big reason for Andy Dalton’s success this season and I don’t see him slowing down anytime soon. Eifert has as many red zone targets as AJ Green. Also, look at what Pittsburgh gave up to Gronk and Travis Kelce combined: 19 catches, 259 yards and 5 touchdowns.
Have more lineup questions? Feel free to ask on both Facebook and Twitter! Also, don’t hesitate to post any questions for next week’s Mailbag. Good luck this weekend!
The Fall Classic kicks off in Kansas City tonight on FOX at 7:07 PM CT. The Royals are making back-to-back trips after a nearly 30-year World Series drought. It’s been 15 years since the Mets were in the World Series and they haven’t won since 1986, the year after the Royals last did. Fun Fact: Neither team has ever won Game 1 of the World Series. Combined both teams are 0-7 in that regard. Also, Joe Buck will have the call and everyone will be convinced he hates their team. Both Royals and Mets fans are readying their angry tweets.
Both teams are very exciting for the objective baseball fan. The Mets have an incredible starting rotation and the Royals have the best bullpen. Daniel Murphy is doing video game things hitting 7 home runs in the playoffs and Ned Yost doesn’t give two shits about your baseball sensibilities when it comes to bunting and running. I, however, don’t care for either team.
As a fan with illogical and irrational feelings, I hate the Royals the most. I’m a White Sox fan and while people in Chicago struggle with my lack of Cub-hate, I target my frustration and dislike to the other teams in the AL Central. Whichever team is preventing the White Sox from making the playoffs the most (besides themselves), that’s who gets the majority of my distain. The Detroit Tigers used to be that team, but now the Royals carry the torch for my White Sox rivalry rage.
The Mets receive a different brand of loathing from me. Having grown up around Chicago, there’s natural detest in me and many for that giant east coast city, their tough-guy accents and pizza arrogance. For the record, I love New York but love when my teams face theirs way more. However, there’s one player who was just named to the Mets playoff roster who I can’t say a single bad thing about. His name is…
Juan Uribe.
Juan Uribe is everything that is good about baseball. He has fun. His teammates love him. He’s also no stranger to the big moment. Over his 15-year career, this will be Uribe’s 3rd appearance in a World Series. He made the final throw-out to win it all for the 2005 White Sox, homered for the Giants in another winning effort in 2010, and now he’s back to keep the 5-year trend alive.
Uribe makes the Mets’ World Series roster wearing his third different uniform this year alone. He joined the Mets in a trade with Kelly Johnson from the Atlanta Braves, and started the season as a Los Angeles Dodger. Uribe actually ended the 2014 regular season as acting manager of the Dodgers, while also paying tribute to Don Mattingly and Tommy Lasorda.
As a manager, Uribe has a 1.000 winning percentage and a Gatorade shower as well.
Now Uribe can end this season with his third World Series ring. He has a chance to become the 4th player in MLB’s expansion era to win 3 world championships with 3 different teams, after Jack Morris, Dave Stewart, and Lonnie Smith. His Mets tenure hasn’t been particularly special, batting .219 with 6 home runs and 20 RBIs in 128 at-bats (Murphy has matched that production in these playoffs alone), but it’s hard not to root for the guy.
Of course my White Sox sentiments have a heavy influence on my admiration for Uribe. In the 10th anniversary year of their World Series win, at least one of the players from the roster are competing for it again. He’s one of 5 players from the 2005 White Sox roster who were still active in 2005 (AJ Pierzynski/ATL, Mark Beuhrle/TOR, Neal Cotts/MIN, Brandon McCarthy/LAD). Uribe also gave me one of my favorite baseball memories, catching a ball in the stands during the World Series that I’ll contend was better than Derek Jeter’s famous dive…somewhat irrationally, I’ll.
A year ago, I actively avoided the World Series. I had seen the Giants thing before and you already know my feelings about the Royals. This year, I’ve got Juan Uribe and will happily buy his jersey if he gets to light victory cigars again.
Who are you rooting for to win the World Series? Let me know on either Facebook or Twitter.
Tuesday night, a new NBA season tips off with 3 games featuring the league’s biggest stars. TNT will feature a doubleheader with the Cavaliers and. Bulls in Chicago (7 PM CT), then the Pelicans visiting Golden State for the Warriors’ banner raising ceremony (9:30 PM CT). Also facing off will be the Pistons and the social media savvy Atlanta Hawks. Sure it will all be going on before the World Series, but that’s what sports bars are for with multiple monitor setups.
A new season means new storylines and intrigue that only the NBA can produce. The defending champion Warriors are very much the same team, built to score plenty and defend as well as anyone. The Spurs Big-3 (Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobli, and Tony Parker) have one last ride (at least) in them with rising superstar Kawhi Leonard and newly added LaMarcus Aldridge. LeBron James and Kyrie Irving still rule the Eastern conference, but the Bulls are playing the Star Wars “rebel” role with a healthier Derrick Rose and new head coach Fred Hoiberg. Don’t forget Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook have a new coach too…
There’s plenty of drama I could go on about and plan to cover for each team, but for now we’ll just make some predictions for who will be making the playoffs and who will be taking home hardware by the end of the 2015-16 season.
Eastern Conference Playoffs
Cleveland Cavaliers
Chicago Bulls
Washington Wizards
Atlanta Hawks
Toronto Raptors
Boston Celtics
Indiana Pacers
Milwaukee Bucks
Eastern Conference Finals
1. Cleveland Cavaliers vs 2. Chicago Bulls
Western Conference
San Antonio Spurs
Golden State Warriors
Memphis Grizzlies
Oklahoma City Thunder
Los Angeles Clippers
Houston Rockets
New Orleans Pelicans
Minnesota Timberwolves
Western Conference Finals
1. San Antonio Spurs vs. 3. Memphis Grizzlies
NBA Finals
Spurs vs. Bulls (Spurs in 6)
Most Valuable Player
Anthony Davis (NO)
Defensive Player of the Year
Tony Allen (MEM)
Rookie of the Year
Jahlil Okafor (PHI)
Coach of the Year
Billy Donovan (OKC)
Sixth Man of the Year
Taj Gibson (CHI)
Most Improved Player of the Year
Rudy Gobert (UTA)
ALL-NBA First Team
Stephen Curry (GS)
James Harden (HOU)
LeBron James (CLE)
Anthony Davis (NO)
Marc Gasol (MEM)
All-NBA Second Team
Russell Westbrook (OKC)
Kevin Durant (OKC)
Kawhi Leonard (SA)
Blake Griffin (LAC)
Pau Gasol (CHI)
How do your predictions look? Let me know on Facebook and Twitter.
Before we get into the meaningful and important information you are dying for in order to set your lineup, can we enjoy the worst play call in the history of football once more?
The Colts have become an easy target as of late, especially on this site, but you can’t help but ask “How did you think this was going to go?”. Fortunately, the internet blessed us with a fantastic TECMO reenactment for us to watch over and over again.
Of course Bill Belichick’s Patriots are no stranger to teams acting a fool against them. For #ThrowBackThursday, they recalled another great football folly that their opponent this weekend (and Mark Sanchez) will never forget.
Quick Hits
This year’s “Hard Knocks” team is on the struggle bus, as the Houston Texans are just 2-4 on the season so far and Bill O’Brien’s seat is rising in temperature by the week. Fantasy owners with DeAndre Hopkins on their roster aren’t mad though. Hopkins is riding a 4-game streak of 100+ yards (148 or more in his last 3), has only caught less than 8 passes once this season, and is on pace to top 190 targets this season. Since 2007, only Brandon Marshall and Calvin Johnson have accomplished that.
If you kept Todd Gurley stashed on your bench after drafting him, you’re reaping all the benefits now. In just the last two games, Gurley has run for more than 300 yards and has accumulated more 20+ yard runs than Matt Forte, Chris Ivory, and Devonta Freeman have all season. Gurley also has a plum matchup this weekend against a Browns team that has given up more rush yards than anyone in the league.
Do they even run the ball in San Diego anymore? Philip Rivers (Batman Woo!) threw 65 passes last week against the Packers, completing 43 for 503 yards and 2 touchdowns. Rivers has thrown for 350+ yards in each of his last 3 games, 4 of his 6 games this season, and you can’t expect him to slow down against a Raiders secondary that’s allowing 308 yards per game passing this season. The fact Rivers leads the league in pass attempts this season, 42 per game, is encouraging for Rivers owners…Not so much if you have Melvin Gordon, but very much so for Keenan Allen.
Mail Time!
I included both your questions together for one reason and one reason only…
I plan to rock that hashtag throughout the Jaguars/Bills games in London this weekend, but that’s not why you called…
#BortleKombat has been on full assault the past two weeks as Blake has thrown 7 touchdowns and 4 picks in that time. His matchup this weekend is pretty sexy this week as he takes on Rexy (see what I did there) and his Bills defense. The Allens (Robinson and Hurns) are are licking their chops over facing a secondary that has given up the 3rd most passing touchdowns this season…However, everything is coming up Breesus as the King of the Drews is finding comfort in tight end Ben Watson and the downfield tandem of Willie Snead and Brandin Cooks. What’s worse than the Bills pass defense? The Colts pass defense. They have given up 300+ pass yards for the past 4 weeks and Vontae Davis can’t cover everyone.
Two answer both questions I’m going Breesus > #BortleKombat > Eli’s Face.
When Andre Johnson went to Indy, I was pumped to see how he would with a real quarterback. Unfortunately, he looks like an old school tight-end in an Andre Johnson jersey. Unless you can handcuff him in a trade, Johnson’s value is simply for dropping in order to pickup a more useful player.
I am assuming you are the one picking up Forte and Lewis, and if that’s the case…DO IT! People have stashed Dez Bryant hoping he’ll come back and tear things up again. I doubt Bryant returns this week, but he isn’t too far away. Until Tony Romo returns, I’m concerned about who is throwing him the ball. Dez will catch anything that’s thrown within 5 feet of him though…Matt Forte and Dion Lewis down the stretch are a hell of a starting RB combo. If Team 1 has Marshawn Lynch and Chris Ivory already, I understand them making the deal. I don’t see a loser, but Team 2 is getting the better value heads-up.
Anyone who asks me about starting Antonio Brown will get this from me.
Big Ben is practicing and his status is questionable. Yes, I’m saying there’s a chance…Regardless though, Landry Jones proved he can sling it last week. Brown is arguably the best football playing in the sport. Despite some weird weeks lacking targets, you have to play him. Both Roethlisberger and Jones will target him and should do so.
I like Dion Lewis a lot, but not this week against the Jets. On the other sideline, I love Chris Ivory. His aggressive running has helped set up the surprisingly efficient passing game for New York. He also has the 3rd most rushing yards in the league at this point.
Stefon Diggs has been a sexy waiver name this week and rightfully so. Finally, someone not named Adrian Peterson is producing for the Vikings and he has a nice matchup going against a Lions defense that even let Marquise Wilson of the Bears blow by them last week. I like Robert Woods, but I’m very skeptical of EJ Manuel throwing as opposed to him running. Prioritize Diggs > Woods.
This is now a weekly question with you, and I’m okay with that…Anywho, you have one more week with Pierre Garcon as a #1 wideout, as it looks like DeSean Jackson is a week away from returning. Go ahead and start Garcon as Jordan Matthews has a rough matchup against Carolina this week.
Melvin Gordon is such a tough read because you don’t know if the Chargers even want to run at this time with their banged up offensive line. At least I know he’s getting the ball. If it was a PPR league, I would recommend The Duke, but he’s only used in passing down situations and is now sharing a backfield with not only Isaiah Crowell but Robert Turbin as well. The only thing I trust from the Browns against the Rams offense is Gary Barnidge in the end zone. Go with Gordon.
I, like you, also picked up Christine Michael to have stashed and I’m also going to wait a week to see how the Cowboys use him. A young athletic back behind that Cowboys offensive line should be great, but your combo of Bell and Murray makes him more of a luxury than a necessity. He’s too unknown on the field to confidently trot him out. Going against the Giants is a nice measuring stick though.
Have more lineup questions? Feel free to ask on both Facebook and Twitter! Also, don’t hesitate to post any questions for next week’s Mailbag. Good luck this weekend!
michaelpiff 