Game of Thrones Power Rankings: S6 Ep2 – “You Bastards!”

Each week, we give every episode at least 24 hours to breathe and for you to get caught up. After that, you’re clicking at your own risk. Spoilers ahead.

I think Carice van Houten, who plays Melisandre, summed up Season 6’s second episode perfectly.

Very happy, Carice. Very damn happy.

It was also a big episode for the bastards of Thrones. Ramsay followed the Sand Snakes’ lead. Tommen got closer to growing a pair. Then, dun dun dun, Jon Snow got (as the kids say) woke. And dragons…

But first a quick moment for the fallen:

– Roose Bolton

– Walda Bolton

– Baby Bolton

– Balon Greyjoy

– That jerk that shot an arrow at Wun Wun

Wun Wun

Let’s begin now.

1. Jon Snow (Previously 10th)

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The wait is over, Thrones friends! It didn’t even take 3 days for Jon to rise from the dead, thanks to Melisandre (and Ser Davos, even more). As Roose Bolton feared, a living Stark in the north is much more powerful than any Bolton (we’ll get that later). With Sansa heading his way to Castle Black, and a reputation for being almost immortal, Jon’s going to have quite a following in future days.

2. Tyrion Lannister (Previously 3rd)

Tyrion

“That’s what I do…I drink, and I know things.”

And knowing’s half the battle. Tyrion get major props for respecting the dragons and releasing them from their chains, without being eaten or burnt to a crisp. As the allies to Meereen fall, the dragons become an even fiercer weapon than whatever forces they neighboring “master” cities can conjure. In Daenerys’s absence, Tyrion wields that power now.

3. Ser Davos Seaworth (Previously 4th)

Davos

Melisandre may have brought Jon back to life, but it took Davos pushing her to do so. It was like was representing the fans of the show that didn’t want to believe Jon Snow was dead and his pep talk was on a Super Bowl coach level, if you ask me. One can assume now that he would be Jon’s #2 as their forces build.

4. Melisandre (Previously 11th)

Melisandre

To be honest, I loved Emo Melisandre. I was half-expecting to see her black eye-liner, goth lipstick and listening to Hawthorn Heights, given her mood after the first episode. But she kept her clothes on, got to work, and performed one more miracle…just like Davos said she would.

5. Cersei Lannister (Previously 13th)

Cersei

If anyone knows the game as well as Tyrion, it’s his sister Cersei. The plan for revenge appears to be in motion now, as she has guilted her way back into King Tommen’s good graces. One can assume she’ll be the one influencing his decisions going forward regarding the Sparrows and getting Margaery back. The King’s Guard seemed pretty relieved too, when she chose to not sick her Zombie Mountain on them.

6. Night’s King (Previously 5th)

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I’ll just continue to refer to the “Hardhome” episode, until he appears again.

 

7. Sansa Stark (Previously 1st)

Sansa

Sansa got her BIG LONG OVERDUE WIN last week and she seems set to head to Castle Black. That will definitely be the best course of action with Jon coming back from the dead and the opportunity to bring the north together, first against Ramsay.

8. Tormund Giantsbane (Previously 19th)

Tormund

Besides Wun Wun totally ragdolling a dude, Tormund led the charge into Castle Black. This one was way easier than the first time in Season 4. He also put one Crow down, which seemed to satisfy him greatly, and gave Alliser some fantastic sass. He’ll obviously be Jon’s key to the Wildling Army going forward, who will be amazed to see him walking again.

9. Brienne (Previously 2nd)

Brienne

It’s good to be on #TeamSansa, and really #TeamStark in general at the moment. One could imagine there will be some hiccups on the way to Castle Black, but Brienne has proven herself capable of handling just about anything at this point. You have to appreciate how polite she was with Sansa, when she totally could have pulled the “I told you so” card on her.

10. Varys (Previously 6th)

Varys

Varys has to feel better after seeing Tyrion tame the dragons in their lair. His resourcefulness for information surrounding Meereen also appear to be the council’s best asset after the dragons.

11. Zombie Mountain (Previously 15th)

Zombie Mountain

First #ZombieMountainSmash of the season was a great one. Jerk totally had it coming. The relief in the King’s guard’s faces was pretty priceless too after they realized they didn’t have to fight him…yet. Now unleash him on the damn Sparrows already!

12. The High Sparrow (Previously 16th)

High Sparrow

The High Sparrow remains high in the rankings here after flexing his mafia style muscles on Jaime. Very bold to send a message during his daughter’s funeral ceremony. I have to think Jaime will make him pay for that soon.

13. Jaime Lannister (Previously 7th)

Jaime

Like Cersei, Jaime seems to have influence over Tommen as well…and that’s going to come in handy as the Lannister siblings start their revenge campaign on everyone ever. Savvy to concede to the Sparrow when it’ll be way better to kill him down the road.

14. Ramsay Bolton (Previously 35th)

Ramsay

WORST. PERSON. EVER.

With that said, Ramsay is now the last Bolton in charge of his house and army. He also has zero honor, so that makes him more dangerous than most. He’s likely making a big mistake attacking Castle Black though, as his father warned. I also don’t think the Karstarks are the best house to align with, considering the head of the family broke his oath to Rob Stark in the first place.

15. Wun Wun The Giant (Previously 36th)

Wun Wun Enters

Who didn’t cheer when Wun Wun walked into Castle Black. All he needed was Stone Cold Steve Austin’s entrance music. 

16. Dolorous Edd (Previously 18th)

Edd

Did anyone expect to be calling Dolorous Edd “Lord Commander” when they first met him? Good for Edd, sticking by Jon’s side and rounding the Wildlings. We saw the leadership qualities in him during “Watchers on the Wall” and it’s cool that he has evolved to this now.

17. Daenerys Stormborn (Previously 12th)

Daenerys

We’ll likely learn more about Daenerys’s situation in the next episode, but for now she has Khal Moro’s protection and she’s safe. I still get the feeling she will be commanding even more respect in a short time’s notice with a new Dothraki army.

18. Khal Moro (Previously 14th)

Khal Moro

Khal Moro seems honorable. You worry about characters like him on this show though, as they let their guard down to the dangerous ones within their inner circle. Trusting Daenerys is smart and can pay off big time, if he survives.

19. Tommen Baratheon (Previously 27th)

Tommen

Tommen gets Top 20 status for simply being the king. He will also have the right people advising him as he makes his move to rescue his wife. The “should’ve, would’ve, could’ve” babble was a little whiny, but he’s being pointed in the right direction now. Unfortunately, Kings don’t last long this show.

20. Ellaria Sand (Previously 9th)

Ellaria Sand

Inactivity makes Ellaria slide a little. Not sure how relevant her storyline will be for a while, but it’s hard not to assume she’s in control of Dorne at the moment and that’s enough to respect at the moment.

21. Petyr Baelish (Previously 22nd)

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Hey, where’s Little Finger at? Not sure if he knew what would transpire with Sansa and the Boltons would happen, but he would look pretty damn smart if he did. Houses are going to be choosing sides in the north soon, and you wonder how much influence he has when they do.

22. The Three-Eyed Raven (Previously 31st)

Three-Eyed Raven

Finally! Some Three-Eyed Raven magic!

For the time being, I’d like to compare the Raven to Doc Brown and Bran is Marty McFly as they travel through time to learn about what’s to come.

23. Bran Stark (Previously 32nd)

Bran

Bran McFly is kinda grown up and learning about his family’s past. It’s impressive, but not as impressive as taking control over Hodor, a Direwolf or like…a dragon. It’ll all make sense soon though, right? (That’s what they keep telling us)

24. Rhaegal & Viserion (Previously 50th)

Dragons

Unchained and ready to get after it! For now, the dragons are the biggest X-Factor to the Meereen storyline. If Tyrion wants to restore order, he’ll need their help to do it by striking fear into just about EVERYONE. After what happened in the fighting pits, that seems pretty plausible.

25. Euron Greyjoy (Newbie)

Euron

After Euron tossed his big brother over the rail, I immediately thought of the scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

And now he’s “running” for King of the Iron Islands. Great.

26. Yara Greyjoy (Previously NR)

Yara

I’m confused. Balon told Yara she would become ruler. Apparently she still has a chance because she has to be “chosen”. Does that change when Theon returns though? Euron doesn’t seem too keen on letting either take charge…

27. Ghost (Previously 40th)

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You knew something was going to happen when Ghost got up, right? He’s gonna be SO HAPPY, I can’t wait (I’m a dog lover, I can’t help my excitement over things like this).

28. Jaqen H’gar (Previously 30th)

Joqen

The most mysterious character ever gets even more mysterious, as he tests Arya and her commitment to having no name. Is he going to give her sight back to her? How powerful is this guy? And where did Waif go?

29. Leaf (Previously NR)

Leaf

Apparently “The Children” age? Leaf appears a bit older since we saw her in S4. She also knows way more than anyone other than the Raven and can throw fireballs. I think that’s Top 30 worthy.

30. Hodor (Previously 39th)

Hodor

HODOR USED TO TALK NORMAL! In the flashbacks, that may be the most intriguing mystery of all…and I think it’s going to have to do with Benjen being sentenced to the Wall.

31. Tyene Sand (Previously 17th)

Tyene

Like Ellaria, I’m not sure how active Tyene and her sisters will be for a while. She’s definitely the most impressive of the 3 snakes, and will probably lure Bronn to her side if the opportunity ever arises.

32. Waif (Previously 43rd)

Waif

Okay, either Waif is super shifty or she has powers like Jaqen too. Guess we’ll see soon, won’t we.

33. Arya Stark (Previously 44th)

Arya

Yay, Arya’s catching on! And she has a roof again! Her story needs to speed up though. This is taking a while. I would recommend she take lessons from the Daredevil School of Blind Fighting too.

34. Podrick Payne (Previously 21st)

Pod

All I know about Pod is that you should never doubt him. Always has a surprise up his sleeve for those who underestimate him.

35. Theon Greyjoy (Previously 8th)

Theon

Theon takes a tumble only because he’s abandoning Sansa. She’s in good hands, but it wouldn’t hurt to have him nearby. I assume there will be payoff to him returning home, but for now he’s riding into a pretty murky situation there.

36. Ser Jorah Marmont (Previously 28th)

Jorah

#TrueDetectiveSeason3 continues…

37. Daario Naharis (Previously 29th)

Daario

…still think this guy’s shady though.

38. Kevan Lannister (Previously 23rd)

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Alright Kevan, ready your Lannister Army on some Sparrows…and then Ramsay because his father defied you.

39. Harald Karstark (Newbie)

Karstar

I think Harald is way over his head with Ramsay. 1) Bad idea to trust this jerk. 2) I don’t see how much sway the Karstarks really have after defying the Starks when they built their forces in the north.

40. Nymeria Sand (Previously 24th)

Nymera

Doing great Indiana Jones impressions, I’m sure.

41. Obara Sand (Previously 25th)

Obara

“Greedy bitch”, according to her sister. Take it up with her, not me. She said it.

42. Missandei (Previously 38th)

Missandei

Missandei can’t do too much without Daenerys but she did offer some valuable info to Tyrion, as he wanted to confirm how peaceful the dragons can be around strangers.

43. Grey Worm (Previously 42nd)

Greyworm

Okay Greyworm, stop being a Negative Nancy already and bring some boat burners to justice.

44. Aeron Greyjoy (Newbie)

Aeron

Aeron seems very sagely, but I have no idea what his agenda is with Yara and now Euron returning. And what does he have to say when Theon gets home?

45. Queen of Thorns (Previously 33rd)

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I think she’s bringing Hell to dinner soon…The longer her grandchildren wait, the more the heat gets cranked up.

46. Queen Margaery (Previously 26th)

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Margaery can’t do much from her cell, but she is serving as motivation for Tommen to bring down the Sparrows…and a good excuse for Cersei’s revenge.

 

47. Bronn (Previously 37th)

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What’s Bronn up to anyway? In a bar, singing…missing Tyene? Probably.

48. Samwell Tarley (Previously 45th)

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Sam is missed A LOT since leaving Castle Black.

49. Gilly (Previously 46th)

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…but at least Sam has Gilly.

50. Drogon (Previously 41st)

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Whenever Drogon is done licking his wounds, he can go save Daenerys. Anytime now…(tick, tick, tick)

51. Meera (Previously 47th)

Meera

I’m pretty confident that while Bran was training with the Raven for a year, Meera just sat out in the snow the entire time, feeling sorry for herself.

52. Rickon Stark (Previously 48th)

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“Never gonna give you up” – Rickon Astley

53. Osha (Previously 49th)

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…you neither.

54. Septa Unella (Previously 51st)

Septa

Hoping for a Cersei/Maergary double-team finishing move on her. A boy can dream.

 

55. Ser Alliser Thorne (Previously 20th)

Alliser

Lord Commander Edd is going to have fun with Alliser. At least he got one more bark at his men in before Wun Wun silenced them.

56. Ser Loras Tyrell (Previously 52nd)

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…I still don’t feel too good about Ser Loras, unfortunately.

57. Lancel Lannister (Previously 53rd)

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Zombie Mountain’s coming for ya, Lancel.

58. Olyvar (Previously 55th)

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The Sparrows don’t seem too keen on people of his ilk. Despite selling out Loras, I don’t get the impression they spared Olyvar either.

59. Mace Tyrell (Previously 55th)

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Still. So. Damn. Worthless.

60. Olly (Previously 56th)

Ollie

Jon won’t look away when he cuts this brat’s head off.

Anyone too high or too low in this week’s rankings? Let me know on Facebook or Twitter.  Don’t forget to checkout The Piffcast, where we regularly discuss the show. 

More Power Rankings

S6 Ep. 1 – “Too Old For This Sh*t”

S6 Ep. 2 – “You Bastards!”

S6 Ep. 3 – “Oathbroken, Mic Drop”

S6 Ep. 4 – “Bow To Your Khaleesi”

S6 Ep. 5 – “What Willis Was Talking About”

S6 Ep. 6 – “The Ties That Bind”

S6 Ep. 7 – “There Will Be Blood”

S6 Ep. 8 – “I Choose Violence”

Game of Thrones Power Rankings: S6 Ep1 – “Too Old For This Sh*t”

Each week, we give every episode at least 24 hours to breathe and for you to get caught up. After that, you’re clicking at your own risk. Spoilers ahead.

Don’t lie. Hearing the Game of Thrones theme raised your blood pressure a little bit and you were pumped for the next 2 months of action.

The season premiere picked up where Season 5 left off. We got some closure on Jon Snow. Big things are coming for Sansa. Dorne belongs to the Sand. The Lannisters vs. The World. Meereen has smoke on the water. Daenerys goes back to basics. Arya’s got some work to do. Melisandre is, well, you know the Danny Glover quote…

In just one episode, there was a ton of shakeup from the Pre-Season Thrones Rankings. As more of our favorite characters enter the fold, I imagine that will continue next week. For now, though…here are your S6 Week 1 Rankings.

1. Sansa Stark

Sansa

I’m not sure if there’s a character who has suffered as much as Sansa has over the course of the series. She watched her father get beheaded, endured the Joffrey thing, survived a marriage to Ramsay (you know what happened), then after loads and loads of disappointment, she got a HUGE win. Wins don’t come easy on this show.

As it was mentioned in Season 5, then reinforced by Roose Bolton in his convo with Ramsay, the North is prepared to unite for Sansa. They NEVER FORGET and now that she’s out of the Bolton’s grasp, it may be time for her to build her legion. Having the heir to the Greyjoys and Brienne by her side doesn’t hurt either.

2. Brienne of Tarth

Brienne

Piggybacking on Sansa’s momentum, Brienne waited for 2 seasons to fulfill her promise to Catelyn Stark. She got her revenge on Stannis and clearly has some serious adrenaline leftover to take out 3 more of Ramsay’s men. I’m very high on the possibilities for Sansa’s potential Northern army and Brienne is like her “Daryl Dixon” (for the Walking Dead fans) ready for battle.

3. Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion

With Daenerys absent, Meereen is now Tyrion’s responsibility and he’s walking about much more comfortably than he should. He’s the best man for the job though, having the most experience running a kingdom as the King’s Hand back in King’s Landing. While politics, knowledge and drinking are his thing, he’s currently playing #TrueDetectiveSeason3 with his “partner in crime” Varys trying to find the traitor in Daenerys’s camp.

4. Ser Davos Seaworth

Davos

Davos is the coolest, right? I love his speech to those loyal to Jon, telling them he’d been pushed around by jerks like Alliser all his life. He’s savvy enough to know that Alliser’s deal is bullshit and has quickly devised a strategy to call upon the Wildling army before nightfall. Davos has also put aside his personal differences with Melisandre, knowing she could be both Jon and his best chance within Castle Black.

Who else is pumped for this “Butch & Sundance” style showdown with the Night’s Watch?

5. Night’s King

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I’ll just refer to the “Hardhome” episode again. Remember that?

6. Varys

Varys

I have maintained a belief that Varys is the puppet master to what’s going on in his storyline. There’s no way Jorah finding Tyrion was a coincidence and neither was Varys finding his way to Meereen to join Daenerys’s council. I like the idea that the entire series is just a battle between he and “Little Finger” for rule of Westeros.

I also love his line to Tyrion, “I used to steal from people like you when I was a boy.”

7. Jaime Lannister

Jaime

Jaime comes back to King’s Landing ready to take back everything those around he and his sister have stolen from them. I don’t think we’ve seen Jaime this sure of himself, even when we were first introduced to the arrogant version of him. “Fuck the prophecy”, he tells Cersei. Being in command of the King’s guard and helping bring his sister back up, you know he’s going to get his bloody revenge…and the Sparrows are in their sights first.

8. Theon Greyjoy

Theon

The #TheonRedemptionTour is full speed ahead right now. Throwing Ramsay’s stalker girl over the wall, escaping with Sansa, and finally lifting a sword to protect her/save Podrick is a clear sign we’ve got Theon back…instead of Reek. The high ranking also has a lot to do with the potential power moves Sansa will continue to make. Hopefully the Iron Islands will accept him again and have his back.

9. Ellaria Sand

Ellaria Sand

Besides Sansa’s big win, Ellaria made the biggest power move by killing Doran Martell and all his guards letting it happen. She said, “a weak man will never rule Dorne.” This was her Jurassic Park “Woman inherits the Earth” moment as her daughters took care of Doran’s heir as well, obviously giving them the immediate power. With her wish for revenge on the Lannisters and Dorne’s history with the Targaryens, I think she will be key in assisting Daenerys in her eventual raid toward Westeros.

10. Jon Snow

Jon Snow

Jon is dead. I know. But for a dead guy, he seems to be needing A LOT of protection from those loyal to him and Davos, who has said himself that he didn’t even know him well. Those in Castle Black know damn well that you burn the dead right away too, and nobody even made that effort. With Melisandre in camp too, you can keep his story alive for the series.

11. Melisandre

Melisandre

Even as important and powerful as Melisandre is, her importance (at least to us) depends solely on what she can do for Jon, Davos and those aligned with them. Her reveal at the end of the episode, while graphic, gave legitimacy to her self-proclaimed credentials having lived through several battles and kingdoms. By all means, though, put on some clothes and bring Jon back from the dead already.

12. Daenerys Stormborn

Daenerys

While she doesn’t have control over her current situation, Daenerys held her own very well with this new Dothraki tribe. She stayed quiet while her captors talked down to her so she could survey her surroundings. Then as the Khal began threatening her, she broke her silence and instantly gained their respect.

She’s heading to Vaes Dothrak, which seems like a shitty situation, but you get the feeling Daenerys is going to rebuild her forces with those around her. When she’s surrounded by so many people like this, I’m reminded of the season finale that ended with the shot thousands worshipping her. She has a knack for drawing support.

13. Cersei Lannister

Cersei

Bare with me here, but Cersei is like a WWE pro wrestler. She does so much for so long to make you hate her, but can somehow make you root for her in an instant. It took some suffering at the hands of the Sparrows, but also some self-awareness as she mourned the loss of Myrcella. She says herself that her daughter was purely good and without the mean and wickedness that she possessed. So now I’m rooting for her to unleash Zombie Mountain on the Sparrows and regain what is hers.

14. Khal Moro

Khal Moro

New character on the show, but obviously powerful. Despite promising his protection for Daenerys, he does control her fate. You have to sorta respect that he did so after going full “he-man, woman owner” on her. It’s an alliance though that could be key for Daenerys down the road.

15. Zombie Mountain

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Mountain. Smash…You’ll see.

16. High Sparrow

High Sparrow

I’ll be honest, I can’t stand the greasy self-aggrandizing of the High Sparrow but facts are facts. He has the current Queen of King’s Landing held captive, as well as Ser Loras, and has totally shown up King Tommen…although that doesn’t seem too difficult.

17. Tyene Sand

Tyene

Tyene is by far the most interesting of the Sand Snakes. We saw her take full power over Bronn while they were both jailed and she just took down Areo Hotah, a character that I thought had Michael Clark Duncan type importance to the story. That dagger throw taking down the runaway Martell loyalist was pretty damn impressive too. As of now, she and her sisters are basically princesses in Dorne. We’ll see where things go for them now.

18. Eddison Tollett

Eddison

The “Crows” left in the room with Jon aren’t particularly excited that their fates are in the hands of ol’ Ed here, but he did take care of business from atop the wall during the battle with the Wildlings when Jon left him in charge. Now he’s tasked with rallying the Wildlings for his friends’ rescue. Having been there during Hardhome, I trust he can do some convincing.

19. Tormund Giantsbane

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As important as Ed is for getting the Wildlings, it’s going to be Tormund’s call as to whether they will help him. Something tells me it won’t take too much convincing for him to get another shot at killing Crows.

20. Ser Alliser Thorne

Alliser

Alliser is a weird situation. If anything, he represents the conservative politics that go into guarding the wall. Where Jon wants everyone to get along, Alliser remembers all the times Wildlings killed his people in the past and sees no reason to assist them. However, we’ve seen the point-of-view from Mance, where they fought the Night’s Watch out of necessity and for survival. You have to respect his honesty and not hiding that he did to Jon and he knows that it was treason. He’s reached a point of no return though and you’re more than allowed to wish for bad things to happen to him because of it.

21. Podrick Payne

Pod

Podrick never ceases to amaze. He held his own very well in the skirmish with the Bolton soldiers. These being the same that defeated Stannis’s army and slaughtered Rob Starks men. Yet there was Pod, taking one down from his horse and going toe-to-toe with another in a sword fight. He still needed Theon’s help to survive, but Podrick is on Sansa’s side now with an arrow pointing up…big time.

22. Petyr Baelish

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 11.52.28 AM

We haven’t seen Petyr Baelish in a while but we do know he has something in the works. Maybe he knew Sansa would escape, maybe he didn’t. What we do know is that he has bet most of his chips on the North rallying behind her specifically. It’s going to be interesting to see what happens when they meet again. What Varys is to Tyrion and Daenerys, Little Finger is to the North…King’s Landing just happens to be stuck in the middle.

23. Kevan Lannister

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As the Hand of the King, Kevan Lannister should be getting some input very soon as Tommen likely wants his wife back from the Sparrows. He’s also in charge of probably the most powerful army in the Seven Kingdoms. This seems to be a decent spot for a guy who has only appeared on the show twice but has that much power.

24. Nymeria Sand

Nymera

Tyene’s sisters just toyed with Tristain, who didn’t stand a chance against them. At least Nymeria was willing to take him on face-to-face…

25. Obara Sand

Obara

Kind of a stupid move to have his back facing Obara, but Tristain had the spear through the “back of the head and out his face” coming. “Greedy bitch” move, by her though…as her sister stated.

26. Queen Margaery

Margaery

We’ve never seen Margaery this low before. She’s played the game, just about as well as Cersei had. A little weird that two of her three husbands were basically children, but you gotta to what you gotta do to be queen. She inspires revenge from Tommen though, and one would expect the King’s guard to be making a move for her soon. She also seems to be holding her own well, despite the circumstances.

27. Tommen Baratheon

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This poor kid. Hard to expect he’s going to last long but at least he’s not Joffrey. Regardless, he is the king…and it’s good to be the king.

28. Ser Jorah Marmont

Jorah

Among the two searching for Daenerys, Jorah is the most motivated. He’s doing it for love and he’s got nothing to lose besides her. When things get rocky, you’ve seen him handle his own with a sword too. I don’t doubt he’ll be seeing Daenerys again before the greyscale gets him.

29. Daario Naharis

Daario

One of the most capable of the warriors on the show, but I don’t necessarily trust him. If we’re going to play process of elimination for those who could have betrayed Daenerys in Meereen, the arrow points to Daario. If we learned anything from Scream, you can’t trust the boyfriend. Daario is also a mercenary and motivated by money. The Masters could’ve easily payed him beyond his wildest dreams to strategize with the Sons of the Harpy. Who’s to say some of those masked men aren’t his either. He might not be in Meereen, but his on Daenerys’s scent and could get close enough to finish what he started.

30. Jaqen H’ghar

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I have no idea what the extent of his powers are or what he actually is, but the dude made Arya go blind and he’s a master of disguise. Interested to see more of what he’s capable of.

31. The Three-Eyed Raven

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We know the Three-Eyed Raven is powerful but we’re still not sure how or what he can do. He’s got Bran under his tutelage and has a whole year to work with him, so I’m anticipating serious Max Von Sydow magic soon.

32. Bran Stark

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Just like with his mentor, Bran’s been out of action for over a year. He’s going to be older and wiser, and hopefully more powerful.

33. Queen of Thorns

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I think we’re all in agreement that the former Bond girl had a lot to do with Joffrey’s death. What I’m interested in now is what she’s going to do to get her children out of the High Temple and will she team up with the Lannisters to do it.

34. Roose Bolton

Roose

He’s the Warden of the North, for now, and very aware of his current situation. The Bolton’s have broken ties with the Lannisters over Sansa and don’t have the support they need without her. Roose also seems to know how to handle Ramsay at this point too, pushing his buttons for motivation…You wonder if that may backfire eventually, because Ramsay is crazy.

35. Ramsay Snow

Ramsay

I know it’s not great seeing Ramsay any higher than last, but he did just lead an army to handily destroy Stannis’s. We’re reminded of his cruelty and disgusting nature though, as he ordered that the corpse of the ONE woman to love him be fed to his dogs.

36. Wun-Wun The Giant

Wun Wun

I want nothing more than for this best to rip Olly in half when he comes to Castle Black.

37. Bronn

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.12.58 PM

You wonder if Bronn is going to assist Jaime as he aims for revenge on EVERYONE. Why not? Bronn seems to like fighting with Lannisters, as long as they pay up.

38. Missandei

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If we’re ruling out betrayers to Daenerys in Meereen, I think you can remove Missandei from the list. Can’t really think of a reasons he’d have beef with her boss. She does have some power over Greyworm though, who’s in charge of his own arm…so there’s that.

39. Hodor

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Hodor.

40. Ghost

Ghost

Raise your hand if you were super relieved Ghost was okay at the start of the episode! Yeah, me too. He gets first ranking of the beasts on this show considering he has absolute loyalty toward Jon and will do anything to protect him. I would also be okay with him ripping Olly to shreds.

41. Drogon

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Is Drogon okay? There wasn’t much clarity on his status after dropping off Daenerys. He’s a bit of a loose canon, literally, but obviously the most aggressive of the dragons…and also not in chains.

42. Greyworm

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When he’s done feeling sorry for himself, Greyworm can move back up the list.

43. Waif

Waif

Waif is sorta playing sensei right now while taking some pleasure in beating the crap out of Arya. She also seems to know everything Arya is going through, so I give her the edge and the benefit of the doubt in this situation.

44. Arya Stark

Arya

This will be the lowest we see Arya, I assume. The sooner she also stops feeling sorry for herself, the better.

45. Samwell Tarley

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Sam’s ranked low only because of his inactivity at the start of the episode. Very interested to see how his storyline goes and what he’ll do when he hears about Jon.

46. Gilly

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Gilly rules. Inactivity has her low, just like Sam, so I expect her to make her way up the list eventually.

47. Meera Reed

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.23.58 PM

I’m not sure what’s going to motivate Meera now that her brother is dead. Jojen saw something in Bran, and maybe she’ll dedicate herself to seeing that through with the Three-Eyed Raven.

48. Rickon Stark

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Hey! Remember him! Still alive, I think. Wonder what he’s up to…Just about all the Starks should have arrows pointing up at this point, so we shall see.

49. Osha

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Her status is clearly tied to Rickon. With a territory allotted to Wildlings though, maybe she and Rickon took refuge there.

50. Rhaegal & Viserion

Viserion-and-Rhaegal

These poor dragons aren’t much good when chained up. You wonder if Tyrion will set them free as they seem to have connection for finding their mother.

51. Septa Unella 

Septa

Let’s take bets on who will kill Septa when the Temple falls: Cersei or Margaery?

Maybe they’ll bond over it.

52. Ser Loras Tyrell

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…I don’t feel too good about Ser Loras, unfortunately.

53. Lancel Lannister

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Zombie Mountain’s coming for ya, Lancel.

54. Olyvar

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The Sparrows don’t seem too keen on people of his ilk. Despite selling out Loras, I don’t get the impression they spared Olyvar either.

55. Mace Tyrell

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.35.38 PM

So. Damn. Worthless.

56. Olly

OllieAll I want is for someone to brutally massacre that smug look off this kid’s face.

Anyone too high or too low in this week’s rankings? Let me know on Facebook or Twitter. Also, check out our recap on the latest Piffcast episode

More Power Rankings

S6 Ep. 1 – “Too Old For This Sh*t”

S6 Ep. 2 – “You Bastards!”

S6 Ep. 3 – “Oathbroken, Mic Drop”

S6 Ep. 4 – “Bow To Your Khaleesi”

S6 Ep. 5 – “What Willis Was Talking About”

S6 Ep. 6 – “The Ties That Bind”

S6 Ep. 7 – “There Will Be Blood”

S6 Ep. 8 – “I Choose Violence”

Game of Thrones Pre-Season 6 Power Rankings

The closer we get to Game of Thrones S6, the more necessary it is to get talking about what’s to come. This season I’ll be keeping a power ranking of the many characters with significance to the plot. Below is “Pre-Season” ranking of characters who either did or may have survived the past season, as well as their importance for what’s to come. Season 6 will premiere April 24th, 2016.

Obviously a number of spoilers will be mentioned here, so don’t read the descriptions if you haven’t caught up on the series yet. 

1. Jon Snow

Jon Snow PR

There was no character talked about or speculated over more than Jon Snow. I had initially written this list (with 10 more characters) before the S5 finale and Jon was on the top of my rankings then. Nobody did more right, especially when he executed Janos Slynt with his own sword, but was still betrayed for it. What’s next is still a mystery and that makes him more compelling than anyone else.

2. Daenerys Targeryian

Daenerys PR

Daenerys’s rule in Meereen was parallel to Jon’s reign as Lord Commander. It took her a little longer to get the hang of imposing her power and they may have been her downfall when the Sons of the Harpy made their move. She put together a solid council of trust with Tyrion and Daario, and continues to build her army in the least suspecting ways…Oh, and she still has the badass MF’n dragons.

3. Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion PR

Whatever the redeeming qualities of a Lannister are, Tyrion embodies them. It’s those qualities of honor and a little bit of diplomacy that helped him survive traveling a world away from Kings Landing, while also forming the Thrones version of D-Generation X with Daenerys. With the Khaleesi away, he’s the only one in Meereen with experience of managing/ruling a city.

4. Night’s King

Night's King PR

You saw “Hardhome”, right?

5. Samwell Tarley

Samwell PR

Sam went from being virtually unable to do a thing to “White Walker Slayer”. Standing by Jon for as long as he did and standing up for Gilly to his fellow “brothers of the watch” make him about as pure as any character on the show. Along with his growing bravery, you have to imagine Sam’s meister-esque skills are going to come in handy too.

6. Jaime Lannister

Jamie Lannister PR

I’m not sure if there’s a character that has evolved quite like Jaime. The shorter his hair gets, the less douchebag’ish he becomes. Taking down Ned Stark long ago is going to come with consequences, but the loyalty and honor he showed Brienne and Tyrion made you almost forget that happened. He’s going to be looking for blood though after spending all S5 trying to bring home Myrcella, and then losing her. Should be some clashing with Cersei over that…and the Martells.

7. Petyr Baelish

Game of Thrones

Petyr Baelish reminds you why it’s called “Game of Thrones”, and in a way he’s winning at it. Two comparisons to the actor Aiden Gillen’s work: Little Finger is like Marlo Stanfield (The Wire) in the way he gains power with cunning and blood. And similar to Bane, he’s necessary evil.

8. Ser Jorah

Game of Thrones

After losing all favor from Daenerys, Ser Jorah is charging back like a man with nothing to lose (because of the grey scale) and in love (duh). Probably want to stay out of his way.

9. Daario Naharis

Daario PR

Daario’s intentions have always been a little suspicious to me. Obviously an expert assassin and has wooed Daenerys, but I feel like I’m waiting for the other mercenary show to drop…perhaps with the slave owner-sympathizing Sons of the Harpy. He comes off as a bit of a frontrunner that way.

10. Tormund

Game of Thrones

Tormund is all firy ginger badass and now has the weight of his people on those super broad shoulders. With his “Crow” ally going down, he’s going to be left with handling the rest of the double-crossing crows.

11. Arya Stark

Arya PR

Arya’s body count is super impressing. Killing Ser Meryn may have been her most impressive move yet, but now she’s dealing with some weird Jedi training that has caused her to go blind. Does that make her more dangerous or calm her down? I assume the former.

12. High Sparrow

High Sparrow PR

Impressively taking down 3 high ranking members of the royal family with the help of his extremist following makes the High Sparrow a very dangerous and powerful figure in Kings Landing. The King himself, Tommen, let him has his way with his mother and wife…We’ll see how that goes over in Season 6.

13. Bronn

Bronn PR

Being charming, funny, and driven (for the right price) have helped Bronn battle through some impossible odds. It’s probably that charm that saved him after being poisoned by the Sand Snakes. I would rank him 2nd most skilled among the higher “guns”, next to Daario.

14. Gilly

Gilly PR

Gilly’s been through some serious shit. So alongside Samwell Tarley, she’s done putting up with anyone’s shit, especially when she has to raise a baby too. That combination make her much more admirable than many of the characters on this list.

15. Brienne

Brienne PR

Brienne can clearly kick nearly anybody’s ass on the show (see the battle with The Hound). However, sitting and waiting on Sansa for as long as she did, only to bail when it mattered most was really disheartening. I do hope she FINALLY catches up with Sansa to properly protect her, because none of her promises to Catelyn Stark regarding her children have worked out yet.

16. Ser Davos

Ser Davos PR

Ser Davos is going to have some Wyatt Erp type rage when he learns about both Shireen and Stannis. I don’t think he’ll be satisfied until he has Melisandre’s head on a pike. Davos is resourceful and can lead an army. He may have either the Wildlings or Night’s Watch to work with when he settles somewhere, along with his pirate connections.

17. Lord Varys

Lord Varys PR

I have a feeling Varys will be much higher on this list before long. Like Baelish, he’s playing the game, albeit more honorably. He has spies everywhere too and I’m very certain he orchestrated getting Tyrion to Meereen, knowing full-well that Jorah could get him there.

18. Drogon

Drogon PR

Drogon is certainly the hot head of his dragon siblings, but he’s also far and away the most dangerous. Daenerys would have been Caesar’ed by the Harpy if it weren’t for Drogon, and he’s really the embodiment of her power.

19. Three-Eyed Raven

Three-Eyed Raven PR

This crazy all-seeing character that will be played by the excellent Max Von Sydow is too mysterious to rank higher, but perhaps too powerful to rank lower. He tells Bran that he could eventually fly and that makes me want to ready the popcorn.

20. Hodor

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Hodor. Hode…Hodor.

21. Bran Stark

Bran PR

Bran’s had a full year away from the screen to work on powers, while also likely getting old enough for us not to recognize him. You get the feeling he could be very high in these rankings by the end of Season 6…that is if the Three-Eyed Raven hype is real.

22. Queen of Thorns

Game of Thrones

I think we all know now that she had something to do with Joffrey’s death, and her demeanor certainly suggests there’s a power play in motion to spring her grandchildren out of the Sparrow’s keep…I would also tell the rest of the Lannister’s to look out as well.

23. Stannis Baratheon

Stannis PR

This is my favorite GIF from all of last season. Stannis makes this list without real confirmation that Brienne finished him on the battlefield, but I wouldn’t be shocked if she had. So much to feel conflicted about regarding Stannis. He was obviously played by Melisandre. He ran his army like a true general and had every right to the throne, knowing what we do about the Lannisters. Burning your own daughter alive for selfish gain is still unforgivable though.

24. Jaqen H’ghar

Jaqen H'ghar PR

I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT THIS GUY IS! And that’s what makes him so interesting.

25. Cersei Lannister

Cersei PR

Through the first few seasons, Cersei would have been very low on this list. She gave you every reason to hate her. But then when she was finally getting hers, I sympathized with her. How did you do that, Game of Thrones? I especially loved every threat she made toward the Nurse Ratched Sparrow nun. She’s going to exact plenty of revenge with her new Zombie Mountain too.

26. Zombie Mountain

Mountain PR

…as I was saying.

27. Ghost

Ghost PR

Don’t fuck with this Direwolf.

28. Sansa Stark

Sansa PR

Every bad thing that has happened to the Starks, Sansa represents that. We saw her make some serious power moves, and some that just ended horrifically. She’s out of Ramsey’s grasp, for now, and we just need her to align with the right forces for once. Greyjoys? Stannis or Stark sympathizers? Resurrected Jon Snow?! Come on!

29. Podrick

Pod PR

Podrick is the purest of characters on the show and ridiculously loyal. I don’t know if that will keep him alive, but hey…it’s pretty damn admirable. Helps that he’s alongside Brienne.

30. Melisandre

Melisandre

Setting up Stannis, burning Shireen, making demon babies…Not a lot redeeming about Melisandre…except for the part where she could potentially resurrect Jon Snow, and we’re all hoping for that. She’s had her eye on Jon for a while, so *gulp*.

31. Lady Margaery

Marjorie PR

Margaery is so charming and obviously playing the game herself, so you know she has another agenda altogether…But I’m excited to see what the Queen of Thorns has planned to set her free and how much longer she’ll need to have Tommen wrapped around her finger.

32. Tyene Sand

Tyene Sand PR

Tyene is the one Sand sister that stuck out. “The most beautiful woman in the world” dominated Bronn, in her own unique way, and i don’t think we’ve seen the last of those two crossing paths again.

33. Tommen

Tommen PR

The “He’s not Joffrey” point is loud and clear here. He is a bit of a wet blanket, but he’s king of the wet blankets.

34. Eddison Tollett

Eddison Tollett PR

Eddison is the last of the notable Night’s Watch, besides Sam, to fight by Jon’s side. I don’t necessarily see that changing after their experiences fighting beyond the wall, on the wall and in Hardhome.

35. Missandei

Missandei PR

Missandei was Daenerys’s voice to her people and that goes a long way. Should continue as she works with Tyrion while Daenerys is away.

36. Grey Worm

Grey Worm PR

When you see Grey Worm in the next season, and especially in scenes with Missandei, picture George Michael’s “Careless Whisper” playing in the background. Seriously. Do it.

37. Wildling Giant

Giant PR

I hope he does this to Olly.

38. Doran Martell

Doren PR

Doren treated Jamie Lannister pretty fairly, and certainly Ellaria too fairly. But there seems to be a grander scheme with him sending Trystain to Kings Landing. There may be a vendetta for Oberyn that’s being masked by his calm demeanor.

39. Areo Hotah

Areo Hotah

Big man can move, that’s for sure. Would love to see him get a crack at Zombie Mountain.

40. Trystain Martell

Trystain PR

Trystain worked his way onto the King’s council, with some negotiating by Jaime and Doren. If he was in on Mycella’s murder though, that’s cold blooded.

41. Meera Reed

Meera PR

Also been away with Bran, Hodor and “The Children” for a year. Probably stewing over the death of her brother. I have no idea what to expect from her, but I imagine it will be violent.

42. Kevan Lannister

Kevan Lannister PR

Currently, the new Hand with plenty of battle experience. He seems smart and savvy like Tywinn, but I’m not sure how much that will matter. It will be interesting to see if he keeps supporting the Boltons.

43. Waif

Waif PR

Waif is mean and mysterious. She’ll likely be helping Arya train more, super reluctantly.

44. Obara Sand

Obara Sand PR

I don’t know, did she say or do much?

45. Nymeria Sand

Nymeria PR

…at least she did this. The Sand Snakes were less consequential than I had hoped. I’m expecting more with Trystain in Kings Landing.

46. Malko

Malko PR

Malko probably has no real plot significance going forward, but he does have a connection to Tyrion and possibly with Davos (pirate thing). Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje is too good an actor, in my opinion, for that small a role.

47. Loras Tyrell

Loras Tyrell PR

Loras got cocky (literally). I feel a lot better about Margaery’s future than his.

48. Reek/Theon Greyjoy

Theon Greyjoy PR

I have to admit, I rooted for EVERY bad thing Ramsay did to Theon. When he didn’t step up for Sansa, I wanted worse things to happen to him…until he finally did.

49. Ellaria Sand

Ellaria Sand PR

Oberyn once said, “We don’t hurt little girls in Dorne.” Well, you broke his word, Ellaria. You’re going to have to pay for that.

50. Roose Bolton

Roose PR

There’s a reckoning coming for Roose and his old pal Walder Frey. How it comes will be fun to speculate.

51. Lancel Lannister

Lancel PR

Lancel is just another empowered asshole with a bad forehead brand-tattoo. Don’t expect his Lannister kin to sympathize when things go sideways for him.

52. Olyvar

Olyvar PR

Selling out Loras gets you zero brownie points.

53. Mace Tyrell

Mace Tyrell PR

Quite possibly the most useless character on the show so far. He has done nothing of consequence at all.

54. Ser Alliser

Ser Alliser PR

Ser Alliser was showing signs at different points of an admirable character, but plotting a mutiny against the Lord Commander that only tried to build your forces is pretty selfish and shortsighted.

55. Olly

Olly PR

Again, let the giant rip this kid in two.

56. Ramsay Snow/Bolton

Ramsay PR

The fucking worst. All expletives necessary.

Anyone too high or too low? Let me know on Facebook or Twitter!

 

 

 

 

Bears of Thrones

As Free Agency kicked off a week ago, the Chicago Bears made it clear that Jay Cutler will be on their roster in 2015. Pro Bowl guard and 3rd year veteran Kyle Long went as far as declaring his allegiance to his quarterback…

And so, Cutler was dubbed the #OneTrueKingOfTheNorth.  It’s no secret that I am a huge geek…or obsessed with Thrones. So thanks to Long’s Tweet, I will take it a step further and align the 2015 Bears with characters from Game of Thrones (That’ll be stuck in your head forever). WARNING: MILD SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN’T CAUGHT UP ON THE SHOW. CONTINUE IF YOU DARE.

Jay Cutler / Stannis Baratheon

image1 Long has set the tone with his allegiance and it makes all the sense in the world (of Westeros). Cutler had knocked on the gates of a Super Bowl birth before he was knocked out with a torn MCL against the “Lannisters” of the NFC North, the Green Bay Packers. Sound familiar? Stannis Baratheon was dealt a similar hand at the Battle of Blackwater, blown away by a similar “Green” explosion.

Blackwater Packers

Neither Cutler nor Stannis are very likable to the public. Both can be viewed as underestimated to their opponents, but command loyalty from those closest to them. And you best believe Cutler has slayed some Wildlings in his day… (Picture this being the Vikings)

Slaying Wildlings

Kyle Long / Jon Snow

image2 Most Thrones geeks probably assumed I would have gone with Davos Seaworth, Stannis Baratheon’s righthand man, but I felt Long deserved a much more badass comparison…and there are some strong correlations. Long comes from a family rich in football prowess. While not a bastard, he is the son of a well respected warrior of the game (like Ned Stark). Kyle’s brother, Chris, built a reputation as one of the league’s elite defensive players before he came onto the scene. One hopes Chris doesn’t attend any shady arranged weddings in the near future. And Long has stepped up to lead his position group to protect his quarterback, much like the Night’s Watch at the wall.

Alshon Jeffery / Daenerys Targaryan

image3 Now hear me out, Alshon… Like Daenerys, Jeffery has proven naysayers wrong over the course of his young professional career. He was underrated in the draft, similar to when Daenerys acquired her Unsullied army from “The Masters” of Astapor. Jeffery’s skills and work ethic that helped him ascend to Pro Bowl status are like the Khaleesi’s dragons doing this to everyone in her path…

Jeffery has an opportunity to prove he is a #1 wide receiver like Daenerys, who is gunning for the throne of the seven kingdoms.

Alshon Browns catch

Matt Forte / Jamie Lannister

image4 Incest aside, Matt Forte and Jamie Lannister can be considered comparable for their accomplishments. Forte has always been a workhouse and a consistent weapon for the Bears offense and for multiple head coaches while Jamie served as captain of the Kingsguard under multiple kings. Both are getting up in age and have dealt with their share of injuries (Jamie losing his hand is a lot more severe than anything Forte has dealt with), but have plenty to offer still. Oh, and Bears…

Thrones Bear gif

Martellus Bennett / Tyrion Lannister

image6 Like Tyrion is to all of Game of Thrones, Martellus Bennett is a unique individual on the Bears roster. Both have a great sense of humor. Neither care what others think of them. And when the moment counts most, they can get the job done in the clutch. Bennett will come up with the big play against a division rival…

Marty GW TD

…and Tyrion will rally his troops against impending doom.

Eddie Royal / Barristan Selmy

image5 Neither Eddie Royal or Barristan Selmy are flashy names, but they are helpful pieces to their respective teams and both are quality free agent signings. I mentioned how Jeffery is like Daenerys already…Royal’s skill set can potentially make Jeffery better by forcing team’s to respect the slot more. That pulls coverage away from Jeffery that would allow him to shine, just like Barristan providing council to Daenerys. image7 Proven veterans who both could use a bounce back season. Jermon Bushrod is Pro Bowl left tackle who had difficulties blocking in year 2 of his Bears tenure. Sir Jorah was recently cast away by Daenerys for losing her trust. Both were meant to play big parts in achieving greatness, whether it be a Super Bowl or control of the Iron Throne, and both have the ability to make a comeback.

Jared Allen / The Hound

image8 Outside of similar appearances, both Jared Allen and The Hound are defectors of their longstanding teams. Allen (former Viking) and Sandor Clegane (formerly employed by the Lannisters) are also looking to return to form and regain the feared reputation they both once had.

Pernell McPhee / The Mountain

image9

In his Bears introductory press conference, Pernell McPhee was asked to describe himself.

“I’m violent.” And that was it.

Pernell sack

Also violent and a man of few words, meet Gregor Clegane…

The Mountain

Ego Ferguson / Hodor

image10 Transitioning to a 3-4 defense, the Bears need to identify a nose tackle to eat space up the middle. Hodor would be an AWESOME 0-technique…and Ego Ferguson also seems to fit the bill as well. I’d also like to hear Ferguson do an entire interview just saying “Ego.”

Willie Young / Daario Naharis

image11 In his first year with the Bears, Willie Young was a quarterback assassin. Daario is not very different, playing deadly mercenary for Team Targaryen. Hoping Young can return fully healed, and in Vic Fangio’s 3-4 system, let’s hope to see more of this…

Daario GIF

Followed by this…

Willie Sack dance

Antrel Rolle / Davos Seaworth

image12 Antrel Rolle is another new Bears addition but there are two things he brings to the defensive side of the ball: Loyalty and Leadership. It’s been very cool to hear Rolle speak on his experience in New York and it sounds a lot like what Davos brings to Stannis Baratheon’s camp. Loyal to a fault, not afraid to speak his mind, a warrior, and adaptable.

Antrel Rolle

Kyle Fuller / Bran Stark

image15 Unlike Bran Stark, Kyle Fuller still has the use of legs. But LIKE Bran, Fuller has the potential for big things. After an excellent first month in the league, Fuller had a tough rest of the season. He was forced into a starting cornerback role after Charles Tillman was ruled out for the season and had a quick “Welcome to the League” experience against the league’s best wide receivers. Fuller has the skills and makeup to improve though, and you can’t help but get excited for what’s next…like Bran Stark.

Jon Bostic / Arya Stark

image13 Sure, on the outside the two are nothing alike…but think about it. Jon Bostic has been out of position for most of career, mis-casted as a middle linebacker and a strongside linebacker when he was best suited for weakside linebacker. Arya Stark was raised to be proper and in a world of aristocrats while she is truly meant to handle a sword. Both play with a chip on their shoulder and strike like they have some serious anger issues. Don’t be surprised if both have breakout seasons in new positions coming up.

Bostic hit

Have some more Football & Thrones comparisons on your mind? Or maybe you just want to geek out some more about sports and TV? Let me know on Twitter @Mike_PiFF03