Game of Thrones Power Rankings: S6 Ep2 – “You Bastards!”

Each week, we give every episode at least 24 hours to breathe and for you to get caught up. After that, you’re clicking at your own risk. Spoilers ahead.

I think Carice van Houten, who plays Melisandre, summed up Season 6’s second episode perfectly.

Very happy, Carice. Very damn happy.

It was also a big episode for the bastards of Thrones. Ramsay followed the Sand Snakes’ lead. Tommen got closer to growing a pair. Then, dun dun dun, Jon Snow got (as the kids say) woke. And dragons…

But first a quick moment for the fallen:

– Roose Bolton

– Walda Bolton

– Baby Bolton

– Balon Greyjoy

– That jerk that shot an arrow at Wun Wun

Wun Wun

Let’s begin now.

1. Jon Snow (Previously 10th)

Screen Shot 2016-05-03 at 10.36.36 AM

The wait is over, Thrones friends! It didn’t even take 3 days for Jon to rise from the dead, thanks to Melisandre (and Ser Davos, even more). As Roose Bolton feared, a living Stark in the north is much more powerful than any Bolton (we’ll get that later). With Sansa heading his way to Castle Black, and a reputation for being almost immortal, Jon’s going to have quite a following in future days.

2. Tyrion Lannister (Previously 3rd)

Tyrion

“That’s what I do…I drink, and I know things.”

And knowing’s half the battle. Tyrion get major props for respecting the dragons and releasing them from their chains, without being eaten or burnt to a crisp. As the allies to Meereen fall, the dragons become an even fiercer weapon than whatever forces they neighboring “master” cities can conjure. In Daenerys’s absence, Tyrion wields that power now.

3. Ser Davos Seaworth (Previously 4th)

Davos

Melisandre may have brought Jon back to life, but it took Davos pushing her to do so. It was like was representing the fans of the show that didn’t want to believe Jon Snow was dead and his pep talk was on a Super Bowl coach level, if you ask me. One can assume now that he would be Jon’s #2 as their forces build.

4. Melisandre (Previously 11th)

Melisandre

To be honest, I loved Emo Melisandre. I was half-expecting to see her black eye-liner, goth lipstick and listening to Hawthorn Heights, given her mood after the first episode. But she kept her clothes on, got to work, and performed one more miracle…just like Davos said she would.

5. Cersei Lannister (Previously 13th)

Cersei

If anyone knows the game as well as Tyrion, it’s his sister Cersei. The plan for revenge appears to be in motion now, as she has guilted her way back into King Tommen’s good graces. One can assume she’ll be the one influencing his decisions going forward regarding the Sparrows and getting Margaery back. The King’s Guard seemed pretty relieved too, when she chose to not sick her Zombie Mountain on them.

6. Night’s King (Previously 5th)

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 11.35.08 AM

I’ll just continue to refer to the “Hardhome” episode, until he appears again.

 

7. Sansa Stark (Previously 1st)

Sansa

Sansa got her BIG LONG OVERDUE WIN last week and she seems set to head to Castle Black. That will definitely be the best course of action with Jon coming back from the dead and the opportunity to bring the north together, first against Ramsay.

8. Tormund Giantsbane (Previously 19th)

Tormund

Besides Wun Wun totally ragdolling a dude, Tormund led the charge into Castle Black. This one was way easier than the first time in Season 4. He also put one Crow down, which seemed to satisfy him greatly, and gave Alliser some fantastic sass. He’ll obviously be Jon’s key to the Wildling Army going forward, who will be amazed to see him walking again.

9. Brienne (Previously 2nd)

Brienne

It’s good to be on #TeamSansa, and really #TeamStark in general at the moment. One could imagine there will be some hiccups on the way to Castle Black, but Brienne has proven herself capable of handling just about anything at this point. You have to appreciate how polite she was with Sansa, when she totally could have pulled the “I told you so” card on her.

10. Varys (Previously 6th)

Varys

Varys has to feel better after seeing Tyrion tame the dragons in their lair. His resourcefulness for information surrounding Meereen also appear to be the council’s best asset after the dragons.

11. Zombie Mountain (Previously 15th)

Zombie Mountain

First #ZombieMountainSmash of the season was a great one. Jerk totally had it coming. The relief in the King’s guard’s faces was pretty priceless too after they realized they didn’t have to fight him…yet. Now unleash him on the damn Sparrows already!

12. The High Sparrow (Previously 16th)

High Sparrow

The High Sparrow remains high in the rankings here after flexing his mafia style muscles on Jaime. Very bold to send a message during his daughter’s funeral ceremony. I have to think Jaime will make him pay for that soon.

13. Jaime Lannister (Previously 7th)

Jaime

Like Cersei, Jaime seems to have influence over Tommen as well…and that’s going to come in handy as the Lannister siblings start their revenge campaign on everyone ever. Savvy to concede to the Sparrow when it’ll be way better to kill him down the road.

14. Ramsay Bolton (Previously 35th)

Ramsay

WORST. PERSON. EVER.

With that said, Ramsay is now the last Bolton in charge of his house and army. He also has zero honor, so that makes him more dangerous than most. He’s likely making a big mistake attacking Castle Black though, as his father warned. I also don’t think the Karstarks are the best house to align with, considering the head of the family broke his oath to Rob Stark in the first place.

15. Wun Wun The Giant (Previously 36th)

Wun Wun Enters

Who didn’t cheer when Wun Wun walked into Castle Black. All he needed was Stone Cold Steve Austin’s entrance music. 

16. Dolorous Edd (Previously 18th)

Edd

Did anyone expect to be calling Dolorous Edd “Lord Commander” when they first met him? Good for Edd, sticking by Jon’s side and rounding the Wildlings. We saw the leadership qualities in him during “Watchers on the Wall” and it’s cool that he has evolved to this now.

17. Daenerys Stormborn (Previously 12th)

Daenerys

We’ll likely learn more about Daenerys’s situation in the next episode, but for now she has Khal Moro’s protection and she’s safe. I still get the feeling she will be commanding even more respect in a short time’s notice with a new Dothraki army.

18. Khal Moro (Previously 14th)

Khal Moro

Khal Moro seems honorable. You worry about characters like him on this show though, as they let their guard down to the dangerous ones within their inner circle. Trusting Daenerys is smart and can pay off big time, if he survives.

19. Tommen Baratheon (Previously 27th)

Tommen

Tommen gets Top 20 status for simply being the king. He will also have the right people advising him as he makes his move to rescue his wife. The “should’ve, would’ve, could’ve” babble was a little whiny, but he’s being pointed in the right direction now. Unfortunately, Kings don’t last long this show.

20. Ellaria Sand (Previously 9th)

Ellaria Sand

Inactivity makes Ellaria slide a little. Not sure how relevant her storyline will be for a while, but it’s hard not to assume she’s in control of Dorne at the moment and that’s enough to respect at the moment.

21. Petyr Baelish (Previously 22nd)

Screen Shot 2016-05-03 at 11.09.22 AM

Hey, where’s Little Finger at? Not sure if he knew what would transpire with Sansa and the Boltons would happen, but he would look pretty damn smart if he did. Houses are going to be choosing sides in the north soon, and you wonder how much influence he has when they do.

22. The Three-Eyed Raven (Previously 31st)

Three-Eyed Raven

Finally! Some Three-Eyed Raven magic!

For the time being, I’d like to compare the Raven to Doc Brown and Bran is Marty McFly as they travel through time to learn about what’s to come.

23. Bran Stark (Previously 32nd)

Bran

Bran McFly is kinda grown up and learning about his family’s past. It’s impressive, but not as impressive as taking control over Hodor, a Direwolf or like…a dragon. It’ll all make sense soon though, right? (That’s what they keep telling us)

24. Rhaegal & Viserion (Previously 50th)

Dragons

Unchained and ready to get after it! For now, the dragons are the biggest X-Factor to the Meereen storyline. If Tyrion wants to restore order, he’ll need their help to do it by striking fear into just about EVERYONE. After what happened in the fighting pits, that seems pretty plausible.

25. Euron Greyjoy (Newbie)

Euron

After Euron tossed his big brother over the rail, I immediately thought of the scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

And now he’s “running” for King of the Iron Islands. Great.

26. Yara Greyjoy (Previously NR)

Yara

I’m confused. Balon told Yara she would become ruler. Apparently she still has a chance because she has to be “chosen”. Does that change when Theon returns though? Euron doesn’t seem too keen on letting either take charge…

27. Ghost (Previously 40th)

Screen Shot 2016-05-03 at 10.36.13 AM

You knew something was going to happen when Ghost got up, right? He’s gonna be SO HAPPY, I can’t wait (I’m a dog lover, I can’t help my excitement over things like this).

28. Jaqen H’gar (Previously 30th)

Joqen

The most mysterious character ever gets even more mysterious, as he tests Arya and her commitment to having no name. Is he going to give her sight back to her? How powerful is this guy? And where did Waif go?

29. Leaf (Previously NR)

Leaf

Apparently “The Children” age? Leaf appears a bit older since we saw her in S4. She also knows way more than anyone other than the Raven and can throw fireballs. I think that’s Top 30 worthy.

30. Hodor (Previously 39th)

Hodor

HODOR USED TO TALK NORMAL! In the flashbacks, that may be the most intriguing mystery of all…and I think it’s going to have to do with Benjen being sentenced to the Wall.

31. Tyene Sand (Previously 17th)

Tyene

Like Ellaria, I’m not sure how active Tyene and her sisters will be for a while. She’s definitely the most impressive of the 3 snakes, and will probably lure Bronn to her side if the opportunity ever arises.

32. Waif (Previously 43rd)

Waif

Okay, either Waif is super shifty or she has powers like Jaqen too. Guess we’ll see soon, won’t we.

33. Arya Stark (Previously 44th)

Arya

Yay, Arya’s catching on! And she has a roof again! Her story needs to speed up though. This is taking a while. I would recommend she take lessons from the Daredevil School of Blind Fighting too.

34. Podrick Payne (Previously 21st)

Pod

All I know about Pod is that you should never doubt him. Always has a surprise up his sleeve for those who underestimate him.

35. Theon Greyjoy (Previously 8th)

Theon

Theon takes a tumble only because he’s abandoning Sansa. She’s in good hands, but it wouldn’t hurt to have him nearby. I assume there will be payoff to him returning home, but for now he’s riding into a pretty murky situation there.

36. Ser Jorah Marmont (Previously 28th)

Jorah

#TrueDetectiveSeason3 continues…

37. Daario Naharis (Previously 29th)

Daario

…still think this guy’s shady though.

38. Kevan Lannister (Previously 23rd)

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 11.54.03 AM

Alright Kevan, ready your Lannister Army on some Sparrows…and then Ramsay because his father defied you.

39. Harald Karstark (Newbie)

Karstar

I think Harald is way over his head with Ramsay. 1) Bad idea to trust this jerk. 2) I don’t see how much sway the Karstarks really have after defying the Starks when they built their forces in the north.

40. Nymeria Sand (Previously 24th)

Nymera

Doing great Indiana Jones impressions, I’m sure.

41. Obara Sand (Previously 25th)

Obara

“Greedy bitch”, according to her sister. Take it up with her, not me. She said it.

42. Missandei (Previously 38th)

Missandei

Missandei can’t do too much without Daenerys but she did offer some valuable info to Tyrion, as he wanted to confirm how peaceful the dragons can be around strangers.

43. Grey Worm (Previously 42nd)

Greyworm

Okay Greyworm, stop being a Negative Nancy already and bring some boat burners to justice.

44. Aeron Greyjoy (Newbie)

Aeron

Aeron seems very sagely, but I have no idea what his agenda is with Yara and now Euron returning. And what does he have to say when Theon gets home?

45. Queen of Thorns (Previously 33rd)

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.08.17 PM

I think she’s bringing Hell to dinner soon…The longer her grandchildren wait, the more the heat gets cranked up.

46. Queen Margaery (Previously 26th)

Screen Shot 2016-05-03 at 11.24.32 AM

Margaery can’t do much from her cell, but she is serving as motivation for Tommen to bring down the Sparrows…and a good excuse for Cersei’s revenge.

 

47. Bronn (Previously 37th)

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.12.58 PM

What’s Bronn up to anyway? In a bar, singing…missing Tyene? Probably.

48. Samwell Tarley (Previously 45th)

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.21.31 PM

Sam is missed A LOT since leaving Castle Black.

49. Gilly (Previously 46th)

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.22.48 PM

…but at least Sam has Gilly.

50. Drogon (Previously 41st)

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.17.17 PM

Whenever Drogon is done licking his wounds, he can go save Daenerys. Anytime now…(tick, tick, tick)

51. Meera (Previously 47th)

Meera

I’m pretty confident that while Bran was training with the Raven for a year, Meera just sat out in the snow the entire time, feeling sorry for herself.

52. Rickon Stark (Previously 48th)

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.25.14 PM

“Never gonna give you up” – Rickon Astley

53. Osha (Previously 49th)

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.25.47 PM

…you neither.

54. Septa Unella (Previously 51st)

Septa

Hoping for a Cersei/Maergary double-team finishing move on her. A boy can dream.

 

55. Ser Alliser Thorne (Previously 20th)

Alliser

Lord Commander Edd is going to have fun with Alliser. At least he got one more bark at his men in before Wun Wun silenced them.

56. Ser Loras Tyrell (Previously 52nd)

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.32.26 PM

…I still don’t feel too good about Ser Loras, unfortunately.

57. Lancel Lannister (Previously 53rd)

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.33.42 PM

Zombie Mountain’s coming for ya, Lancel.

58. Olyvar (Previously 55th)

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.34.38 PM

The Sparrows don’t seem too keen on people of his ilk. Despite selling out Loras, I don’t get the impression they spared Olyvar either.

59. Mace Tyrell (Previously 55th)

Screen Shot 2016-04-26 at 12.35.38 PM

Still. So. Damn. Worthless.

60. Olly (Previously 56th)

Ollie

Jon won’t look away when he cuts this brat’s head off.

Anyone too high or too low in this week’s rankings? Let me know on Facebook or Twitter.  Don’t forget to checkout The Piffcast, where we regularly discuss the show. 

More Power Rankings

S6 Ep. 1 – “Too Old For This Sh*t”

S6 Ep. 2 – “You Bastards!”

S6 Ep. 3 – “Oathbroken, Mic Drop”

S6 Ep. 4 – “Bow To Your Khaleesi”

S6 Ep. 5 – “What Willis Was Talking About”

S6 Ep. 6 – “The Ties That Bind”

S6 Ep. 7 – “There Will Be Blood”

S6 Ep. 8 – “I Choose Violence”

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