Season 6

1 Comment Posted on June 21, 2016June 21, 2016 TV

Game of Thrones Power Rankings: S6 Ep9 “Tell Your People What Happened Here”

Each week, we give every episode at least 24 hours to breathe and for you to get caught up. After that, you’re clicking at your own risk. Spoilers ahead.

The penultimate episode of each Game of Thrones season is always one worth circling on your calendar. Ned’s death, Blackwater, The Red Wedding and “Watchers on the Wall” laid down the track record of anxiety inducing, reactionary video filming, edge-of-your-seat watching television. “Battle of the Bastards” met the hype and was payoff for the longtime Game of Thrones fans who stayed loyal, after so many favorite characters were brutalized before their very eyes.

Two years ago, I went and saw “Watchers on The Wall” and “The Children” from Season 4 back-to-back in an IMAX movie theater. “Battle of The Bastards” should be getting similar treatment leading up to Season 7. How often did you catch yourself making involuntary noises from your couch? I cheered and screamed louder than I normally do watching my favorite football team play, it was that good.

Game of Thrones went Peter Jackson and maybe beyond with the quality of this battle.

…and we thank them for it.

This week’s Power Rankings are made in Loving Memory of Wun Wun.

1. Daenerys (Previously 1st)

“Dracarys” is the new Mortal Kombat-style “Fatality!”

I did not expect the resolution to the siege in Meereen to come so quickly, but I’m very glad it did. We’ve waited 6 years to see the damage that Dany’s dragons could inflict and there it was on full display. While she and her babies provided the death from above, her Khalasar took care of the ground game by cleaning the streets stained by the Sons of the Harpy.

I also did not expect her to be so civil with Tyrion after the Masters went back on his deal. A year ago, she likely would have given Tyrion the “Jorah Treatment” and shunned him. She’s obviously grown to the people around her and trusting Tyrion’s expertise helps way more than hurts. Oh, and she now has her ships…

2. Sansa Stark (Previously 6th)

Sansa’s “slow-walk and smile” while Ramsay’s dogs gave him a taste of his own medicine was even better than Beyonce’s “Lemonade” special.

After years of abuse and torture, Sansa is now the true Warden of the North. In a season full of big wins, Sansa’s was the biggest. And although Jon led the charge and fought like hell to reach Ramsay, it was Sansa’s raven to Littlefinger that made it all possible.

3. Jon Snow (Previously 5th)

Jon disregarded Sansa’s advice by chasing after Rickon. He went heart first into battle, clearly without the numbers, and almost fell into another Ramsay trap. Yet he still cut down everyone in his path, survived the most claustrophobic situations ever, and beat the living shit out of that bastard in his own home.

If Jon already had a reputation for being the best swordsman in the North, imagine what people think of him now. Where will he turn his attention to now? Uniting the North? The Freys in Riverrun? King’s Landing?…Most likely Winter.

4. Tyrion Lannister (Previously 20th)

Tyrion inherited a pretty awful situation when Daenerys left, and he pointed out to her what all he accomplished while she was gone…as the city was burning. The fact Daenerys still recognized it and took Tyrion’s advice before unleashing Hell on the Masters places him on a higher pedestal than either his siblings back at King’s Landing. Neither of them were second in command to a Dragon Queen.

Also appreciated the extra sass he threw Theon’s way. That stuff doesn’t get old.

5. Petyr Baelish (Previously 15th)

Twice now Petyr Baelish has bailed Sansa out and helped defeat her abusers. His plan seems to be back on track. It’s kinda scary to imagine what the endgame is and that might be Sansa’s next issue. For the time being though, he has the Starks’ strongest weapon.

6. Jaime Lannister (Previously 3rd)

Jaime being cast out from King’s Landing might be the best thing for him. He has his army, and alliance with the Freys (whatever that’s worth) and Riverrun. Walder’s toast in the teaser “The Freys and Lannisters send their regards” may prove to be a kiss of death though…for both houses.

7. Ser Davos (Previously 7th)

Davos held his own in the battle and survived. He even sent the cavalry after Jon as he charged the 6,000 man army by himself. After the win, Davos doesn’t appear to be in the celebrating mood. After finding Shireen’s toy that he made for her, he’s put together the pieces of what Melisandre did before reaching Castle Black. He’s been in the spot before, with Stannis. Will Jon and Sansa side with Davos or will history repeat itself.

8. The Night King (Previously 2nd)

There is a full understanding of how powerful the Night King is. Lack of action lets him slide a little after a big episode for the good guys. I doubt he’ll be on the down low for long…

9. Drogon (Previously 17th)

Even just seeing Drogon in the distance before he crashed the Masters’ insult party made me cheer like the Bears won the Super Bowl. His bond with Daenerys showed just how deadly they both can be…

10. Rhaegal & Viserion (Previously 25th)

…and even deadlier with these two.

11. Tormund Giantsbane (Previously 19th)

It was amazing how Tormund and his people looked ridiculously close to their end with the Bolton spears pointed at them, and then he’s beating Lord Umber’s ear off and stabbing him in the face an instant later.

12. Bran Stark (Previously 8th)

While it’s good to be a Stark (for once), Bran knows firsthand that there’s a lot of work to do. The sooner he fully understands his powers, the better…for everyone.

13. Yara Greyjoy (Previously 49th)

The next biggest power move to Sansa and Jon taking Winterfell back was Yara and Theon somehow getting to Meereen before Euron…and with 100 ships?! Where did they get 100 ships?

Yara went from being an outcast to the Iron Islands to being teamed up with the most powerful person in the Seven Kingdoms. She also was not shy about hitting on the Mother of Dragons either, which was charming.

14. Grey Worm (Previously 28th)

Sweet psych out, Grey Worm. Giving the Masters’ soldiers a choice to go home was a nice touch too.

15. The Hound (Previously Previously 10th)

I don’t know what Ser Beric has in store for The Hound, but it will likely involve lots and lots of violence. He also appears to be the only person the undead Beric fears too.

16. The Mountain (Previously 11th)

Cersei’s not going down without fight against The High Sparrow and her own son, the King. As far as we know, he’s her best shot and he’ll take anyone out who gets in her way.

17. Arya Stark (Previously 13th)

Arya’s going to be in for a pleasant surprise when she returns to Westeros. She’ll be able to use her family’s name too, at least in the North. 2 questions though:

Where in Westeros is she heading?
Are the Faceless Men following?

18. The High Sparrow (Previously 4th)

I’ve kept The High Sparrow pretty high for a while this season. With the Starks back in power, Jaime getting stronger/more defiant, Daenerys being on her way and Cersei putting the Targaryen Wildfire to use…his power looks less and less impressive.

19. Queen Margaery (Previously 9th)

Margaery is playing the long game with the High Sparrow and Tommen, and she’s still loyal to her brother. When shit hits the fan in the finale, will she get out of Cersei’s way or burn with the rest?

20. Benjen Stark (Previously 12th)

Benjen would proud of what Jon has accomplished, ya know…getting laid, coming back from the dead and ENDING the Boltons. But his attention and particular set of skills are being directed toward the impending White Walker invasion. Understandable.

21. Daario Naharis (Previously 24th)

You have to love Daario leading the khalasar into Meereen, chopping off Harpy heads right and left. His efforts have mostly eliminated all the doubt I had of his allegiance. Judging by the teaser for the finale, Daenerys is going to let us know her thoughts on the matter too.

22. Theon Greyjoy (Previously 50th)

Theon’s been a solid “campaign manager” for Yara, helping her team-up with Daenerys. He may have an even more important role though. When Daenerys makes her move on Westeros, Theon could help the cause because of her relationship with Sansa. Tyrion’s kindness to Sansa in the past would go a long way, but Theon endured Ramsay too.

23. Brienne (Previously 22nd)

Good for Brienne that the Blackfish situation didn’t make or break the Battle of the Bastards. The Starks need allies now though, so she might want to hurry back to Winterfell before things escalate again.

Wait, Tormund’s going to be waiting there…She can take her time.

24. Missandei (Previously 35th)

Loved how Missandei stood silent while the Masters discussed their “terms” and they planned to sell her again. She sat there knowing exactly how it was all going to go down and got to deliver the news to them that one (really two) of them were going to die. Then walking past the surviving Master, like he was nothing, was more than perfect.

25. Cersei Lannister (Previously 21st)

Hell is coming to breakfast in King’s Landing, and Cersei is cooking up a storm of Wildfire…I hope.

26. Varys (Previously 25th)

I would like to see where Varys intended to go to find help for Dany’s cause. I’m hoping it’s Winterfell, which would make for a funny reunion with Littlefinger.

27. Beric Dondarrion (Previously 30th)

I am really hoping Beric gives the Hound some work before the season is up. There are two people who get brought back to life (as far as we know) on this show. Beric is the one who seems to get that more than Jon.

28. Thoros of Myr (Previously 31st)

Of those capable of bringing people back to life, Thoros has the most practice…and he’s the least vague about his purpose too.

29. Ghost (Previously 33rd)

I know a lot of people are upset that Ghost didn’t get to participate in the battle, but shouldn’t we just be glad he’s okay? It’s been a rough go for Direwolves this season and I do not think he would’ve faired well in real medieval battle.

30. Lyanna Mormont (Previously 36th)

The “Lyanna’s Not Impressed” Meme definitely outdoes Obara Sand’s.

31. Qyburn (Previously 42nd)

Qyburn is just so excited to bring chaos to King’s Landing. Let’s just hope he’s there when Maester Pycelle goes down with it.

32. Bronn (Previously 32nd)

Bronn’s on a pretty nice track right now, aligned with Jaime. I don’t think everyone’s particularly safe hanging with the Freys, but I trust him and Jaime to get out of most situations.

33. Tommen (Previously 26th)

Tommen is king but he seems to have sealed his fate by turning on his mother. “The 7” can’t save you from a mother scorn.

34. Kevan Lannister (Previously 27th)

What’s the average tenure for the Hand of the King on this show? Not particularly long, I don’t think…

35. Lord Commander Edd (Previously 45th)

Edd has gotta be so glad that Jon won at Winterfell. Otherwise he would have a much tougher time defending the Wall and dealing with Ramsay.

36. Robin Arryn (Previously 37th)

He didn’t seem to be present at Winterfell, alongside Littlefinger and Sansa, but his army did save the Starks from their doom.

37. Yohn Royce (Previously 39th)

Also wasn’t seen on screen, but he is the Lord Commander of the Vale horsemen who came charging in like the Riders of Rohan.

38. Jaqen H’ghar (Previously 46th)

The more I think about how Arya left the temple of the Many-Faced God, I become more convinced that everything went according to plan for the STILL mysterious Jaqen. The Faceless Men want to influence Westeros and Arya appears to be their weapon for it.

39. Euron Greyjoy (Previously 23rd)

Seriously. You have the Iron Island fleet at your disposal and still couldn’t beat out your niece and nephew to Daenerys? Hard to believe that Euron will go down easily. Could be Big Bad in the next season.

40. Walder Frey (Previously 54th)

Everything’s coming up Walder Frey these days, right? I have a feeling someone else will be sending “their regards” when all is said and done in the Season 6 finale.

41. Edmure Tully (Previously 29th)

Edmure’s fortunes changed immensely after being let back into Riverrun. He is the Lord there, but how loyal are his men after he gave their castle up so easily?

42. Jorah Mormont (Previously 44th)

I will continue to beat on this drum until something else happens:

A Jorah – Samwell/Gilly team-up is coming. Hopefully sooner than later so Jorah can get cured.

43. Kinvara (Previously 43rd)

The High Priestess, who helped bring order back to Meereen, was MIA while it was being attacked. She believes in Daenerys and has seen visions of her rise to power. How much does Daenerys believe in her?

44. Melisandre (Previously 34th)

Melisandre is about to face serious Davos shit-storm. We’ll find out how Jon handles the situation. He doesn’t appear as sold on “The Lord of Light” and destiny as Stannis was…even if it brought him back to life.

45. Meera (Previously 47th)

Hope Meera learns a thing or two from Benjen. He should know her father very well, who fought alongside Ned.

46. Podrick Payne (Previously 48th)

After hearing Pod refer to his training from Brienne, and some sneaky pointers from Bronn, you wonder if he’ll be applying that training before the season is over.

47. Olenna Tyrell (Previously 55th)

Olenna knows that both Margaery and Cersei each have something planned when the trial happens. If she hasn’t left King’s Landing, it would be beneficial for her to play mediator to help them both. I don’t think she really cares what happens to Cersei though.

48. Samwell Tarly (Previously 51st)

Samwell sword action needs to happen this week.

49. Gilly (Previously 52nd)

I hope Gilly kept this dress.

50. Ellaria Sand (Previously 60th)

The Sand Snakes helped start the season…

51. Tyene Sand (Previously 61st)

…will they help close it?

52. Nymeria Sand (Previously 62nd)

Will I ever get to update this photo?

53. Obara Sand (Previously 63rd)

I’m never updating this one.

54. Aeron Greyjoy (Previously 56th)

Yara said she had some uncles to kill and Daenerys will happily oblige. That doesn’t bode well for Aeron.

55. Lothar Frey (Previously 58th)

If the Frey party gets crashed, Lothar is surely going to die.

56. Walder Rivers (Previously 59th)

Walder will die first though, and Jaime may be the one to end him…just because.

57. Robett Glover (Previously 53rd)

So Robett…the Starks you turned your back on just won the Bastard Bowl. They are also the Wardens of your territory now.

This must be awkward.

58. Melessa Tarly (Previously 65th)

We all know who wears the pants in the Tarly household…

59. Randyll Tarly (Previously 66th)

…but I’m pretty sure Randyll sent a search party for Samwell.

60. Talla Tarly (Previously 67th)

Your weekly reminder that Talla was hushed when mentioning the guy she is set to marry…and that might matter.

61. Dickon Tarly (Previously 68th)

#BroDickon is gonna #BroDickon.

62. Lancel Lannister (Previously 69th)

This might be my third time predicting that Lancel is about to die. Third time’s a charm, right?

63. Septa Unella (Previously 64th)

In a perfect world, both Margaery and Cersei get to beat the Septa down in the worst way possible.

64. Yezzan zo Qaggaz (Previously NR)

“Tell your people what happened here.”

The fact Yezzan didn’t sellout one of his fellow Masters like they did to him is probably why he isn’t dead.

65. Ser Loras (Previously 71st)

#ThoughtsAndPrayers for Lancel.

66. Harald Karstark (Previously 41st)

We didn’t see Harald die in battle, right? If he didn’t die, he shouldn’t be doing to well in Stark captivity.

67. Mace Tyrell (Previously 72nd)

Still supremely useless.

68. Maester Pycelle (Previously 73rd)

Hopefully he farts for the last time in the season finale.

Anyone too high or too low in this week’s rankings? Let me know on Facebook or Twitter. Don’t forget to checkout The Piffcast, where we regularly discuss the show. We’ll be doing a Season Recap the day after the finale!

More Power Rankings

S6 Ep. 1 – “Too Old For This Sh*t”

S6 Ep. 2 – “You Bastards!”

S6 Ep. 3 – “Oathbroken, Mic Drop”

S6 Ep. 4 – “Bow To Your Khaleesi”

S6 Ep. 5 – “What Willis Was Talking About”

S6 Ep. 6 – “The Ties That Bind”

S6 Ep. 7 – “There Will Be Blood”

S6 Ep. 8 – “I Choose Violence”

Leave a comment Posted on April 20, 2016 sports, TV

Chicago Bears of Thrones 2016

A tradition we started a year ago was casting the new season of Game of Thrones with members of the Chicago Bears roster. This came about after Pro Bowl lineman had declared Jay Cutler “The One True King of the North”.

My allegiance is to the one true king of the north – he's got my back I've got his %6 pic.twitter.com/TI4Tcn1zZn

— Kyle Long (@Ky1eLong) March 10, 2015

I love comparing the two. The Bears are one of the league’s most storied franchises and Game of Thrones is filled with generational lore. It references the glory days of each House, and Winter is always looming.

Since the original list, a year ago, things have changed drastically. Departures and additions to the team have been very similar to the show. Characters have developed and players have evolved. So let’s look at the current Chicago Bears roster and see how they stack up on Game of Thrones.

Kyle Long / Jon Snow

The biggest debate since the end of Season 5 was “Is Jon Snow dead or not?” Besides the correlations of leadership, pedigree, and loyalty, Bears fans had wondered “Is Kyle Long a guard or tackle?”

Jon rose to the ranks of Lord Commander, killed a White Walker then briefly united the Night’s Watch and the Wildling armies while alive. Long was a 2-time pro bowler as a guard and was awarded again as a tackle, making him the first Bears offensive lineman to named to the Pro Bowl each of his first 3 seasons. Fans of both will get their answers in due time.

Alshon Jeffrey / Daenerys Targaryen

After proving doubters wrong over the course of his impressive young career, the Bears placed the franchise tag on Alshon Jeffery to hopefully work out a favorable deal for both sides. At full strength, he’s a devastating force down the field…like Daenerys is with her dragons. Daenerys’s reign is wounded for the time being, much like the questions to Jeffery’s health during the 2015 season. Reunited with her dragons, she can maker her move on the rest of Westeros. One hope’s a new deal with the Bears would have Jeffery poised to do the same in the NFL.

Jay Cutler / Jaime Lannister

A year ago, we had Jay Cutler paired with Stannis Baratheon, “The One True King of the North”. Unfortunately, Stannis couldn’t keep his head. However, Cutler is still quarterback of the Chicago Bears and appears rejuvenated with John Fox’s staff. Jaime Lannister was referred to as “The King Slayer” having literally killed kings and also blamed getting them killed, like Cutler when he was once called a “coach killer”.

The two have had their ups and downs in the public eye. It seems they both needed some humbling, suffered setbacks and injuries, and have adopted antihero statuses for it. Much weirder on Jaime’s end, but being fathers has helped them both in their maturations. You’ll see myself and others Tweet #CuttyDoesIt when Jay slings touchdowns. Might have to start #JaimeDoesIt this upcoming season too.

Pernell McPhee / The Mountain (Zombie Mountain)

Two words: He’s violent.

Pernell McPhee is also coming off an injury and hoping to bounce back even more violent. The Mountain is about to do the same now that he’s been brought back to annihilate everyone on behalf of Cersei. I call him Zombie Mountain, because I’m very sure he’s 1/3 brutal strength, 1/3 rage, and 1/3 dead. McPhee is likely half and half of the former two.

Willie Young / Daario Naharis

Willie Young had to switch roles last season and had to prove to coaches that he could still get to the quarterback doing so. Daario switched roles going from mercenary to trusted advisor to Daenerys, as well as actors. Both showed they are effective no matter what you do with them and are cold blooded killers…relative to their professions.

Tracy Porter / Tyrion Lannister

Like Tyrion, Tracy Porter was very successful in the beginning. Porter was a Super Bowl champion and Tyrion served as Hand of the King. Porter was then cast off after injuries and playing on unsuccessful teams while Tyrion was disowned by his father (who he would kill for it). Porter got a fresh start and a new contract after a successful first season with the Bears, and Tyrion is now temporarily in charge of Meereen after dream-teaming up with Daenerys.

Jeremy Langford / Arya Stark

Jeremy Langford had the opportunity to prove he can be a feature back during his rookie season with the Bears, and took full advantage of it. Arya got a similar opportunity learning the assassination techniques of the Faceless Men and ALSO took full advantage of it. The Bears seem to be in the market for a new running back, hesitant to give Langford the reigns of the backfield, and the “Many-Faced God” took Arya’s sight. I imagine both will only grow from their experiences.

Zach Miller / Sansa Stark

Over the course of his career, Zach Miller has faced setback after setback when it comes to injuries. Sansa has had to deal with the same, in WAY MORE BRUTAL instances. They both now appear due after their struggles. Miller shined while healthy for the Bears last season and was awarded a new contract. Sansa escaped another evil asshole husband and should have some support waiting for her outside of Winterfel.

Kevin White / Bran Stark

Well, there’s the obvious. Both Kevin White and Bran Stark sat out last season. White did so because of an injury that kept him off his feet and, well, Bran wasn’t walking around anyway. Both are returning with high expectations in their respective upcoming seasons

Eddie Goldman / Hodor

Eddie Goldman came to the Bears with White in the same draft. While he did play his rookie season, it’s not like he had much to say…like Hodor. Hodor will also be returning with Bran Stark and like Goldman, he’s capable of kicking serious ass.

Danny Trevathan / Davos Seaworth

These are two big time free agents from the offseason. Danny Trevathan comes over from Denver, where he won a Super Bowl. Davos goes to The Wall after helping Stannis conquer much of the North. They’re both somewhere familar, Trevathan reunited with his former head coach and Davos in a place that housed him for a short while. Both will be quality additions for whom they are aligned with, both on gameday and in battle.

Robbie Gould / Ser Jorah

Robbie Gould is the franchise’s all-time leading scorer and Ser Jorah is a decorated knight. Both lost some favor with their fan bases, Gould after missing big field goals and Jorah keeping secrets from Daenerys. They’re both fighting back to regain favor and trying to remind everyone of their accomplishments. Jorah also has a HUGE crush on Daenerys…I personally don’t know much about Robbie’s love life, but I do know the female demographic of Bears fans love him.

Kyle Fuller / Melisandre

These two are being tasked with resurrecting the dead, in their own ways. I, like many, am very confident it will take Melisandre’s “Red Woman” voodoo to bring Jon back to life. I also believe it’s going to take Kyle Fuller showing his shutdown defensive back potential to bring the Bears defense back to life as well. In his first two seasons, Fuller has shown flashes of greatness. But like Melisandre, he’s also gotten everyone killed…in coverage.

Eddie Royal / Petyr Baelish

Eddie Royal is a survivor in the NFL. Not the biggest or the most talented, but he has gets the job done and always has a home. Petyr Baelish is similar in the way that he’s adaptable. I don’t think Royal is necessarily scheming in order to watch the world burn, but he’s savvy and cunning like “Little Finger” that keeps him useful on most teams. He’ll have something to prove this season to remain so with the Bears, like Baelish will for Sansa Stark when they meet again.

Ryan Pace / Varys

GM Ryan Pace is orchestrating this new era of Chicago Bears football and I believe Varys is subtly doing the same in Meereen. I don’t think it’s coincidence that Ser Jorah found Tyrion and brought him to Daenerys Targaryen. Varys has wanted that alliance to happen for a while and feels he’s on the winning team now, just like Pace after a seemingly successful Free Agent period.

Jerrell Freeman / Bronn

Jerrell Freeman comes from the Indianapolis Colts as one of the league’s most consistent inside linebackers who is ready to make some noise with a new team. Bronn has done the same, joining Tyrion as a mercenary but eventually teaming up with Jaime on a rescue mission of his daughter. Both suffered injuries and are looking to bounce back and provide sold enforcement for their new teams.

Lamarr Houston / Theon Greyjoy

Both Lamarr Houston and Theon Greyjoy took heavy blows to their hubris and were looking for redemption. After signing a big contract with the Bears, Houston injured himself for the season doing a sack dance. Theon was also hurt badly below the belt after getting too cocky (pun seriously intended). Houston was productive providing big sacks down the stretch and Theon FINALLY saved Sansa. Will things get better for these two or will their arcs go another direction?

Matt Slauson / Brienne of Tarth

Slauson? Badass warrior. Brienne? Also a badass warrior. Both are tasked with protecting those who they promised to; Brienne has the Stark girls and Slauson has Jay Cutler. Both have also faced adversity to where they are now as Slauson grew up with a stutter and Brienne grew up a woman in seemingly a “man’s” world.

Akiem Hicks / Tormund Giantsbane

Akiem Nicks was brought in to solidify the Bears’ front 7 against the likes of the Packers, Vikings and Lions. Tormund was brought in to do the same, uniting his Wildling people with other men to face off against the White Walkers…essentially the Packers, Vikings and Lions. In a Bears fan’s world, they are one in the same.

Bobby Massie / Giant “Wun Wun”

Bobby Massie is also new to the Bears and he is a big bad 6’6, 316 pound man who is set to play tackle next to Kyle Long. Wun-Wun is a big bad 15+ foot, one ton (at least) giant who was set to fight alongside Jon Snow. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. What we do know for sure is that they both have a hell of a mean streak and will be prepared to kick some ass.

Any other player/character comparisons you can think of? Let me know on Facebook or Twitter! Game of Thrones Season 6 begins Sunday, April 24th

2 Comments Posted on March 15, 2016 TV

Walking Dead Power Rankings: Stuck in the Middle With You

Each week, we’ll give every episode at least 24 hours to breathe…and for you to get caught up. After that, you’re clicking at your own risk. Spoilers ahead.

Only a few of the Walking Dead regulars actually appeared in this episode and it primarily focused on two of them. However, it was a big episode for both Maggie and Carol as they overcame some ridiculous odds. We also learned a lot more about The Saviors and Negan, as we saw how they operate in tough spots.

As the title of this edition of the power rankings suggests, there was a lot of Reservoir Dogs to this episode. Themes of captivity, interrogation, deception, someone about to get lit on fire (and then a few people do, on the kill floor)…All this episode was missing was a debate on tipping and Steven Wright playing Stealer Wheel on the radio

Playing the Michael Madsen role, and biting it (see what I did there) were The Saviors.

And that’s who we say goodbye to before the rankings…

Donnie

“Donnie, you’re out of your element!”

Donnie was a jerk. Carol shot him. Maggie kicked his ass with her hands tied up. Then he turned into a zombie.

Molly

Carol called her shot twice in this episode, giving you a good feeling of who she was going to put down herself. It was also the second time she told someone that smoking would kill them…

She also gives away an important detail about The Saviors by saying, “We are ALL Negan.”

Michelle

I didn’t really have a problem with Michelle. It was just bad circumstances for her and she was on the wrong side of a gun.

Paula

Pretty strong performance for someone who only got an episode and some change on The Walking Dead. Paula gave you a look at who The Saviors are and their point of view, which is very similar to the group we’ve followed for nearly 6 whole seasons. Carol admits that she sees a lot of herself in Paula, and that terrifies her (more on that later).

Primo

I think there are going to be some consequences for killing Primo off too soon.

And now for this week’s power rankings:

1. Daryl Dixon (Previously 2nd)

Daryl reclaims his top spot, even in a limited role. It wasn’t necessarily what he said but the image of him comforting Carol with the wings on his back said it all. Easy to believe his tracking skills got the group to the very unsafe “safehouse”. But it’s what he didn’t do that elevates him over Rick…

Also, Daryl is the lone representative from The Walking Dead in this year’s TV Character Madness tournament. Check out where he’s seeded in the bracket and be sure to vote for him when his number’s called!

2. Rick Grimes (Previously 1st)

I think given what Rick knew, he did what he had to by eliminating who he thought was Negan. He and the others would probably have been much better off if they held onto Primo to get as much information as they could out of him. Would’ve been a bigger help if either Maggie or Carol stepped in to let him know they are “ALL Negan”.

3. Maggie Greene (Previously 7th)

Great episode for Maggie. She stuck to her guns all episode and never gave in, even with the pressure of having her child. She also tried to stay diplmotic with Paula recommending that talking to Rick would be in her best interest. And damn was the #MaggieRage real the second she got free.

4. Carol Peletier (Previously 6th)

We knew Carol was putting on her “defenseless” act from the start of the episode, to garner sympathy and become unsuspecting to the Saviors. Paula did point out though that some of the fear was real in Carol. This was the first time in a while that we had seen some real humanity in her, and I don’t think she wanted to kill Paula. To extent, it was like looking into a mirror when Carol had her gun pointed at her.

Small bit of symbolism to keep an eye one: When Carol tells that smoking will kill them, they die. Then Carol takes a drag herself. Does that spell doom for her?

5. Negan (Previously 10th)

We know this^ isn’t Negan, but it does show how smart he is to hide his identity throughout everyone in his organization. Considering there’s more Saviors than the massive body count the Alexandrians have stacked up, I’d be scared of his army…that’s looking for revenge now.

6. Glenn Rhee (Previously 3rd)

Glenn was also limited, like the rest of the others who showed up at the end, but there was a powerful moment for him and Maggie. They both have blood on their hands now, and that may change their approach to everything going forward. I think it’s still important though that they can relate to each other having experienced similar situations now.

7. Jesus (Previously 4th)

Didn’t see Jesus in this episode but now the deal is complete for his Hilltop community and Alexandria. He’ll be intricate on both ends.

8. Michonne (Previously 5th)

Quick appearance by Michonne and she only slides for not really having a line in the episode. You get a feeling she’ll be huge when things escalate soon.

From hear on out, everyone stays in the same order since they didn’t make an appearance in the episode. You can see how they earned their rankings last week here.

9. Aaron (Previously 8th)

10. Father Gabriel (Previously 9th)

11. Tara Chambers

12. Heath

13. Rosita Espinosa

14. Andy (Previously 27th)

15. Eugene Porter

16. Sasha

17. Abraham

18. Carl Grimes

19. Denise Cloyd (Previously 20th)

20. Morgan Jones (Previously 21st)

21. Enid (Previously 22nd)

22. Tobin (Previously 23rd)

23. Spencer Monroe (Previously 24th)

24. Doctor Harlan (Previously 25th)

25. Eric Raleigh (Previously 26th)

26. Baby Judith (Previously 27th)

27. Gregory (Previously 28th)

28. Cal (Previously 29th)

29. Olivia (Previously 30th)

30. Dwight (Previously 31st)

31. Freddie (Previously 32nd)

32. Craig (Previously 33rd)

Anyone too high or too low in this week’s rankings? Let me know on Facebook or Twitter!

1 Comment Posted on February 16, 2016February 16, 2016 TV

The Walking Dead Power Rankings: “The New World”

Each week, we’ll give every episode at least 24 hours to breathe…and for you to get caught up. After that, you’re clicking at your own risk. Spoilers ahead.

How are we doing? You good?

Sunday’s Season 6 midseason premiere was one of The Walking Dead‘s best episodes. The suspense was at an all-time high for most of the characters. Violence and gore was cranked to 11. We even got some development for a number of characters, which we’ll go further into in the power rankings.

The bodycount we heard about going into the episode was certainly not overstated. There was blood, heartache, and some Tiger Woods fist pumps too (at least on my end).

Before we get into the remaining character ranking, a few goodbyes from last week’s list:

Sam Anderson (Previously 29th) – Admirable attempt to be brave for a second. TWD didn’t hold back on devouring him though. Yeesh. No way he was getting out of that horde alive though.

Jessie Anderson (Previously 13th)– That one hurt…for both Rick and the rest of us who were rooting for the future Mrs. Grimes.

Ron Anderson (Previously 30th) – Suck it, Ron. Seriously.

Alpha Wolf (Previously Last) – TWD has a knack for either redeeming certain characters a little or throwing them off the deep end right before their demise. Going back for Denise, his hostage, and also protecting her showed some change in The Wolf. It was fitting how Carol was the one to shoot him down and for Morgan to end him.

Wade (Previously 27th) and his posse – I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING (more on that in a minute). The open may have been the best since the pilot episode of the show. Sorry that was at Wade’s expense. I did enjoy some of his banter.

And now the living…

1. Daryl Dixon (Previously 1st)

Daryl blew shit up and it was fantastic. No crossbow? No problem. He hangs on to the #1 spot for basically bailing every character out of imminent doom – blowing up the Saviors, then setting the water on fire that burned up the remaining horde. There’s an argument that his role has diminished on the show (that could lead to his end by the finale). I think he remains all that is pure on the show, and the angel wings on the back of his vest signify that.

2. Rick Grimes (Previously 2nd)

The #RickRage was on full display Sunday night. He also ignited the Alexandrians to finally stand up for themselves and fight back. He led one hell of a comeback against some nearly impossible odds…The problem is that it all came after a tragedy, which was partially his fault. He could’ve stepped in and ordered Sam to go with Gabriel, but he didn’t. Chopping off Jessie’s hand that stayed gripped to Carl was a veteran move though.

3. Michonne (Previously 3rd)

Heads up move of the night goes to Michonne for ending Ron. Michonne is a basically in the Grimes family now, right? Was there to help Carl while Denise fixed him up. Was the first one out to follow #RickRage against the walkers. Then was immediately checking on Judith after.

4. Glenn Rhee (Previously 4th)

Second time this season Glenn was nearly thrashed apart by walkers, but this time he did it to lead them all away from his wife. His willingness to sacrifice himself for Maggie is unbelievably admirable, and his pep talk to Enid showed the leadership qualities he’s picked up from Rick and all the people he named to her (Dale and Herschel).

5. Abraham Ford (Previously 11th)

“Can you get the gate? Appreciate it, pal.”

Line of the night after Abraham saved Glenn from breaking all of our hearts (again). Abraham is the right kind of crazy at this point in the show, and proven to be more valuable than most.

6. Enid (Previously 14th)

I’m not sure Enid is afraid of anything other than people getting close to her. Backing up Glenn to save Maggie was a big step for her, and was just about as brave too. With Ron gone too, I get the feeling she’s going to play a big role in Carl’s recovery.

7. Maggie Greene (Previously 4th)

Maggie didn’t really do anything to slide in the rankings. It was a result of circumstance and people stepping up when she couldn’t. Maggie’s role will be huge in the rebuild of Alexandria, but in the short term it was cool to see her and Glenn reunite…again.

8. Carl Grimes (Previously 7th)

RIP, Carl’s right eye. This was actually something that fans of the books were looking forward to. How would the TV show make that work? Well, they did. How he responds will be interesting…Will he resent Rick (again)? Will he have an eye patch and become “The Next Governor”? Or will it make him stronger…because “what doesn’t kill you…”?

9. Sasha (Previously 12th)

Sasha jumps up a little for extending Abraham’s life a few more seconds (before Daryl saved them both) and then coming back with the group to save the day. Her manic moments seem to be behind her…for now.

10. Aaron (Previously 10th)

Aaron’s done and said the right things for most of his time on the show. It was no surprise that he would go join Rick on his stand against the horde. Doesn’t seem like someone who has needed much convincing since he was the one who brought Rick’s to Alexandria.

11. Heath (Previously Unranked – Total Oversight)

Leaving Heath out was a mistake last week, but he wasn’t particularly high on this. However, Heath was one of the most important characters in Sunday’s episode because he represented the newfound courage in the Alexandrians. He rallied the group to jump out and help Rick, who he was always suspicious of.

12. Denise Cloyd (Previously 20th)

Denise represented some serious hope for the group. Even captured, her safety kept characters like Tara, Rosita and Eugene motivated. She also seemed to ignite something in The Wolf that made him human again…for a brief moment.

13. Father Gabriel (Previously 26th)

The biggest jump goes to Gabriel, for stepping up in every opportunity that was presented to him. Protecting Judith before the Andersons were devoured and then rallying the weakest remaining Alexandrians definitely redeemed him of his past betrayal of Rick. It’s also nice that a Wire alum can still represent, unlike Bob and Tyreese.

14. Tara Chambler (Previously 15th)

Motivated to save Denise, Tara remains a solid force on the show. Always ready to help when needed and that keeps her ranked around the same spot.

15. Eugene Porter (Previously 19th)

Big turn for Eugene. He was working on building up courage to help his people over the past couple episodes. Then when he was told to stay behind, he dropped an inspiring line and joined the #RickRage while rocking his mullet. Eugene represents the weakest link in the pre-Alexandria group, and you’re only as strong as your weakest link. (High five for sports cliches).

16. Morgan Jones (Previously 8th)

In an episode where every character is stepping up, Morgan was left feeling sorry for himself. Mostly for allowing his Wolf hostage get away and Denise being captured, but also for losing his cool to fight Carol. Obviously he took care of business when it was most important but if Morgan’s going to be a Jedi, he better damn act like one. Because doubt leads to anger, anger leads to hate…You know the rest.

17. Rosita Espinosa (Previously 16th)

Like Tara, Rosita doesn’t jump or slide very far…simply for being solid.

18. Negan (Previously 6th)

Still haven’t seen the dude and his appearance is looming, but his impact doesn’t feel as immediate as it did before Wade and his crew got blowed up (real good). Wade’s line about “popping one of you right off the bat” should linger with viewers for a while though. Don’t think Negan will know who was responsible for torching his Saviors, but he’s going to make someone pay for it.

19. Carol Peletier (Previously 9th)

People are going to hate this but Carol had the biggest slide for me. She was responsible for at least 2 major issues in the episode…

Denise wouldn’t have been kidnapped had she just left Morgan alone with The Wolf.
Sam wouldn’t have heard her voice and gotten eaten had she not put all that fear in him…which was pretty unnecessary to begin with.

If you felt bad for The Wolf after he seemed to transform into a decent person, that’s fine. But he had that bullet coming. I don’t see any reason that would have justified her killing Morgan, like she said she should have. He made a good point stating how similar the two were. That will either bring them closer together or kill them both, I assume.

20. Eric Raleigh (Previously 21st)

Hey look! Eric’s okay! And he did some fighting too! That’s neat.

21. Tobin (Previously 18th)

I was even happier that Tobin was alive, but disappointed he thought about holding Gabriel back. Not sure if he was in the church out of necessity to protect those held up there, or because he was scared.

22. Baby Judith (Previously 17th)

This kid does no wrong. Still worry about her as she’s probably Rick’s last bit of sanity.

23. Olivia (Previously 22nd)

Hey, you’re here too. Yay.

24. Dwight (Previously 23rd)

Dwight gets a hat tip for providing Daryl with his rocket launcher.

25. Spencer Monroe (Previously 25th)

Congrats Spencer! You’re officially in last place (after all the other characters were eliminated on Sunday). If anyone seems likely to cause immediate conflict after Alexandria has gotten itself put back together, it’s the guy who will likely be upset that his mother trusted Rick, Michonne and Maggie with her plans before him. He’s been unraveling all season, and will probably be THAT guy who ruins a good thing.

Anyone too high or too low in this week’s rankings? Let me know on Facebook or Twitter!

2 Comments Posted on February 10, 2016February 16, 2016 TV

The Walking Dead Power Rankings: Midseason 6 Premiere

The Walking Dead returns in time to eat your heart out this Valentine’s Day (Sunday, February 14th) at 8 PM CT on AMC.

This is the part where I tell you that spoilers are very likely from here on out. So stop reading if you aren’t caught up…

Stop it.

This is your last warning…

Now it’s on you if things get spoiled.

Creator and comic book writer Robert Kirkman is on record for saying that there will be blood this Sunday…a lot of blood. Critics who were lucky enough to get early screenings say that the Season 6 midseason premiere is fast, action-packed, and characters will die. There’s common sentiment in early reviews that this episode should have been the midseason finale, instead of the cliffhanger filled showing fans got before the new year.

We know characters come and go on the show. If Game of Thrones taught us anything in the current climate of television, DON’T GET TOO ATTACHED TO ANYONE. And similar to how we’re approaching the new season of Thrones, we’ll be keeping a power ranking of the current characters. But if they make Chris Hardwick’s Talking Dead “In Memoriam”, well…

…we’ll say “bye” too.

I know my opinion of each character will likely be very different than yours. Please feel free to air your grievances on Facebook or Twitter.

1. Daryl Dixon

Darryl may not be in the comics, but he certainly is one of the best creations from the TV series. He’s the most skilled among the original group and has grown since the early days of brotherly bigotry bonding. In a world where the dead roam looking for blood and the living proves to be even more dangerous, Darryl still looks for the good in others…even to a fault. If he were part of Rick’s conscience, he’d be the small bit of angel left on one shoulder. That might do him in at some point, but you have to think losing Darryl would be the hardest for most fans.

2. Rick Grimes

The show still evolves around the man who woke up from a coma in a walker infested hospital, as it should. However, Rick has almost evolved entirely into the deputy he hated…Zero trust for others besides his group, killing the living, lusting after someone else’s wife…He hasn’t gone full-Shane, and that may be what has kept he and those closest to him alive. How he reacts after Sunday’s events may change that.

3. Michonne

There’s an argument that Michonne can be ranked ahead of Rick.

There’s your argument.

She’s also the only one I don’t worry about in a massive horde of Walkers.

4. Maggie Greene

Maggie has probably suffered the most in the group. She lost her home (the farm), cousin (Arnold), step-brother (Shawn), mother (Josephine), step-mother (Annette), father (Herschel) and sister (BETH!). Yet she has remained one of the strongest willed characters on the show, even while her husband was Jon Snowing it for multiple episodes. That’s why Deanna trusted her as a leader in Alexandria.

5. Glenn Rhee

Glenn cheated some insane and brutal death, but that whole thing didn’t seem like the way he should go. If Glenn’s going to die, his loved ones should see it and it should haunt our dreams for weeks. Only he can get away with calling Rick “dumbass” and he is still the group’s moral compass…while also being Maggie’s last shred of sanity.

6. Negan

We haven’t even seen Negan yet he’s one of the most hyped characters in the history of television. That intrigue makes him more interesting, as does the suggestion by one of his cronies that EVERYTHING BELONGS TO HIM.

7. Carl Grimes

Carl’s come a long way. There was a time I wanted him to be in same place as Sophia -like between him getting shot and then Rick saving him from God-knows-what with the Scavengers…Since then, the kid has stepped up and become quite the badass and way less of a brat.

8. Morgan Jones

Morgan’s whole “development” episode with Eastman still feels like time I can’t get back, but it’s nice knowing how exactly he became a Jedi. Don’t know if the “no kill” rule is going to last for him or if he’ll last sticking to it. It does, however, bring some much needed humility to members of the group that are on the brink of becoming no better than the Wolves.

9. Carol Peletier

I know quite a few folks are on Carol’s side in the #CarolvsMorgan fight and I don’t blame them. Her instincts have saved the group on multiple occasions. Her development is as vast as anyone. She’s also the devil to Darryl’s angel on Rick’s shoulders. That’s ironic when you think about how similar and close she and Darryl were at one point.

10. Aaron

Aaron is the most capable of all the Alexandrian citizens. Unlike the rest of his group, he actually knew what the outside world was like after spending long periods scouting potential members for the community to make it stronger. Had Aaron been around when the Alexandrians were turning on Rick, he probably would have helped convince them to adapt to the Ricktatorship.

11. Abraham Ford

I love Abraham. When he’s got a mission, he’s more focused and and scarier than anyone. Unfortunately he’s been a little broken since Eugene’s admission. I’m worried he’s reached the end of his arc wearing the officers uniform he found, but the method in his madness has practically resurrected Sasha…no Walking Dead pun intended.

12. Sasha Williams

Sasha’s been the closest to the point of no return, among the group that’s survived since Woodbury. Losing Bob and her brother Tyreese certainly pushed her there. Abraham seems to have shown her just about how far gone she was though, mimicking her manic episode. Still not sure if he was doing that on purpose or not, but she’s as capable as anyone when she’s right.

13. Jessie Anderson

Jessie is Rick’s moral center now, outside of Carl and Judith. She will also go full Mama Bear from The Revenant on anyone who threatens her children. That’s going to get really interesting if Carl is forced to come off of Ron, or if the zombies get F’ing Sam while he’s whining during their stealthy walk among the horde. At least we have this ‘Love Actually’ inspired gif…

Just in time for Valentine’s Day.

14. Enid

Enid’s awesome but pretty wishy washy too. She seems ready to turn on the group at any moment because she doesn’t believe they’re built to survive…even though they’ve made it this far. One thinks she’s better off and more helpful on Carl’s side than the alternative.

15. Tara Chambler

It’s pretty amazing how accepting the group is of Tara, considering she was aligned with the Governor when he decapitated Herschel. Her guilt being involved in that incident seems to have made up for it, and that’s mirrored with helping Eugene get to a point where he can redeem his own faults as well.

16. Rosita Espinosa

We know almost nothing about Rosita besides her catching up with Abraham and the two keeping each other company. She’s handy with a gun though and meshes well with the group. Either we’ll get to know her better after this weekend, or we’ll just simply say “see ya” without really being too invested.

17. Baby Judith

Come on. She’s Judith. Everybody loves Judith.

18. Tobin

Tobin is really just one of those “That Guy” characters from the Alexandria group, but he’s one of the few to go along with Rick’s plans. That ranks him a lot higher than most of the town…unless the Walkers got him. We really didn’t see him after they breached the wall.

19. Eugene Porter

Eugene is working his way back to trust and redemption. His awkwardness and deadpan delivery kinda helps that, at least with the audience. Something tells me he’s got some developing to go and some lives to save before the show is done with him.

20. Denise Cloyd

Denise is in a tough spot, being captive (we think) to the Alpha Wolf. She has Tara’s attention (and probably motivation) though after kissing her and she’s probably the only one qualified to save anyone medically.

21. Eric Raleigh

No idea how Eric faired during the breach from the horde. Whatever has happened to him might make or break Aaron though.

22. Olivia

Olivia runs inventory at Alexandria. That counts for something. And I THINK she’s still alive…?

23. Dwight

A few things we know about Dwight.

Dwight used to work for Negan.
Dwight stole something from Negan (likely Honey).
Dwight then betrayed Darryl who was trying to help him.
Dwight also has Darryl’s crossbow.

Austin Nichols, who plays Dwight, tweeted about coming back for the finale. Not sure how happy we’re going to be about that.

24. Honey

Honey is in the same boat as Dwight, when it comes to betraying both Negan and Darryl. I’m sure she’s going to wish she didn’t burn the latter.

25. Spencer Monroe

Spencer’s in a weird spot. On the one hand, he’s Deanna’s son and has room to grow in her image. On the other hand, he’s reckless and stealing food from inventory. Why you gotta do Olivia like that, Spence?!

26. Father Gabriel

I have a soft spot for Father Gabriel because Seth Gilliam is one of my favorites from The Wire. His character hasn’t been much help at all since he met the group, even turned on them at one point while he was debating his relationship with God…I have to think there’s a reason he asked for fighting pointers from Carl though and that somehow that will payoff.

27. Wade

Dude gives off a Dean Ambrose vibe but until we officially meet Negan, you get the feeling he’s going to be a royal pain in the ass. I’m also worried one of the 3 out of Abraham, Sasha and Darryl is going to be departing because of him.

28. Mikey

You remember Mikey, right? No idea if this kid is still alive, but at least he’s not Ron.

29. Sam Anderson

SHUT THE FUCK UP, SAM!

30. Ron Anderson

Ron has a gun and zero backbone. He’s basically everything that was wrong with Carl during that time we all wanted him dead. Yes, I hope his little brother gets him killed on Sunday.

31. Alpha (Wolf)

Right now, zombies are more likable than this guy. That’s how bad he sucks.

We’ll update the rankings each week for the rest of the season. Hope your favorites stay alive…Unless your favorite is Ron. For more, follow along on Facebook or Twitter.