No longer must we relive that scene from Big Daddy, where deep inside we were all that kid who couldn’t get his breakfast after 10:30 AM.
(It was all downhill for Adam Sandler after that)
Imagine Ronald McDonald, with the Hamburgler and Grimace looking on, lining up the likes of the Burger King, the obnoxious Wendy’s spokesperson, and the Chick fil A cow on the deck, waiving a crispy golden hash brown in their faces saying, “I’m the captain now.”
…as soon as the clock hits 10:30 AM, of course.
I’m not saying we needed this. Do we really need anything that we can pick up in a drive-thru line that isn’t coffee? We want it though, and we sure do like it. You know, the perfectly barely melted cheese over your eggs and bacon on a biscuit. The odd but delicious flavor of that secret sauce on a bagel sandwich. Or the thing I can’t stress enough…the hash browns. *As you read this paragraph, do so with Homer Simpson’s drool voice in your mind*
By the numbers, McDonald’s already reigned supreme with their profits in America. Below are the Top 20 according to Business Insider and each chain’s U.S. systemwide sales in 2014.
- McDonald’s – $35.4 billion
- Starbucks – $12.7 billion
- Subway – $11.9 billion
- Burger King – $8.6 billion
- Wendy’s – $8.5 billion
- Taco Bell – $8.2 billion
- Dunkin Donuts – $7.2 billion
- Chick-fil-A – $5.8 billion
- Pizza Hut – $5.5 billion
- Panera Bread – $4.5 billion
- KFC – $4.2 billion
- Domino’s – $4.1 billion
- Sonic – $4.1 billion
- Chipotle – $4 billion
- Carl’s Jr/Hardee’s – $3.6 billion
- Little Caesars – $3.2 billion
- Dairy Queen – $3.2 billion
- Arby’s – $3.2 billion
- Jack in the Box – $3.2 billion
- Papa John’s – $2.7 billion
Not even Peyton Manning could raise “Papa John’s” smarmy face above the $5 Hot-N-Ready or Stuffed Crust pizzas, huh?
Wendy’s has shifted its strategy to overtake the burger franchises by targeting the Millennial foodie market by offering non-burger items like pulled pork sandwiches, Gouda chicken sandwiches, and loaded cheese fries. If you ask me, their advertising has been way more insulting toward millennials with dumb stereotypes as their focus. Burger King’s marketing approach has been to bring back the creepy “King”, and pay to have him at highly visible sporting events…
Like American Pharoah’s Triple Crown win…
…and in Floyd Mayweather’s corner against Manny Pacquiao.
The latter is exactly why I avoid Burger King at all costs, even if it means I can’t have their awesome french toast sticks.
The crown doesn’t belong to Burger King though. It doesn’t belong to Starbucks (where I’m actually writing this), nor Taco Bell and its weekly menu innovations…
It goes to the the place that first franchised in 1955 in Des Plaines, IL. Where the Coca-Cola tastes better for some reason and the french fries are widely regarded as the best among chains. It’s also the first place you go after the Chicago Bulls score over 100 points to claim your free burger…Sitting upon the Iron Throne with a Big Mac on top is McDonald’s, unleashing their All Day Breakfast menu like Daenerys Targaryen’s dragons upon their competition.